Tried out the seven deadly sins quiz....quite interesting. Wished there were more questions to answer...;)

Greed:	Very Low
Gluttony:	Low
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Medium

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

Back in the Kingdom of Unexpected Treasures

Its been 2 weeks...met a few family members and a couple of friends. though most of my friends thinks im still in UK...;p

Its good to be back. To sit back and just not think for a while. To take a deep breath and reflect on the past few months which had been quite hard for me mentally and 'emotionally'...(not that I want to discuss it). Let's just say that I am more clear of how things are unfolding itself regarding matters that are 'close to my heart'.

Having said that, I am not as stressed out as I *might* sound. In fact, I am more settled with the way things are. I am learning to accept that...'that is how it is going to be'. I am also trying not to be in denial and degil about 'it' for my own sake. In the end, what are meant to happen will happen.

Thus, now I should really be thinking about where to head next, consider the opportunities and pathways available for me and 'reset' my priorities.

Will write more soon.

Love,
Selina

Less than 2 weeks

I have less than 2 weeks left before I have to head back to Brunei. Though I miss home, at the same time, I also want to be here...a bit reluctant to go back. I havent pack, havent even bought boxes to put my stuffs in it. There are still things that I want to do here..but perhaps next time eh. its time to go back n u cant stay away forever right..;p


Anyway, I've decided to list a few things that I am NOT looking forward to when im back in Brunei..so here goes..

1) Decisions

Its decision time. Its time to decide the next stage of my life. The future that I am going to face..bla bla..depends on the decisions I make (atleast I think so)..and with it comes responsibilities and the need to stand ur ground and grow up!!

I guess the idea that I no longer have any excuses to continue my studies and just be a student scares me. IT IS SCARY to move to the next stage in life..conforming to the 'cycle' and what is expected of you.

Study = Work = Marry = Have Kids = grow old..;p

Dont get me wrong, I AM EXCITED to work and open a new chapter in my life. but like everybody else, I dont have an insight into how my future is going to be. And for some reason, I am worried. What if things doesnt work, what if my interests change, what if I want to do something else...the system that we have back at home doesnt really allows us to change professions, embark on a new interest etc EASILY.

And on top of that, theres also another issue close to heart that I need to resolve once and for all. Something that will hurt either way...unless changes are made. But for changes to happen, something big will have to happen to shake 'it' into its senses. And it must have a big impact to speed up realization and appreciation... only time will tell.

And the feeling of unable to control and not knowing of what the future holds is just unbearable..it makes u wonder. Am i the only person who finds it scary to open up a new chapter..to move on to another level of life..a different kind of atmosphere etc. But then again, when i think about it..why should i be worried about all this? that is what life is all about right. Life would be dull if we are able to predict everything. What are meant to happen, will happen..so, whatever it is..we just have to embrace it and hope all will work out well.

hmm..something to ponder upon later on till I fall asleep which is what I am doing in 5 mins..;) and ive just realize i havent done a list..so i think basically, this is what is worrying me...;p

Loads of love,
me

How true is this? thought it will be fun to share ;p

pheww...

Im extremely glad that Im finally done with my MA. I hope all those long hours of reading in the library, mengusut-ing to motivate myself and sleepless nights will be worth it :) Will only know it for sure in January 2008. Of course there are things that I wished Ive done differently, but hey..why do you want to look back when your whole future is ahead of you right..;)

Few more weeks before Im back in Brunei..wishing time will pass by slowly so that I have more time here..;p Will pack next week and hopefully I will travel back to Brunei very light. Ngalih sudah carrrying heavy luggage to London and then to Bolton. So need to travel light.

Raya is coming soon. The plan is to go up to dundee for a couple of days before heading off to London and pick up my ticket to go back home...and hopefully I will write more then ;)

Selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin to everyone...esp to my family and close friends.

Love you all.

SELAMAT BERPUASA

SIMPLE SIGNS TO FOLLOW IF URE 'LOST' THIS MONTH....;p

LAST POST

So I did say the last post will be my last post..but i was wrong. We still have internet today though its been cancelled..except that the phone doesnt work anymore.

Anyway, not going to say much here...well, I will try not too. Just want to jot down stuffs that is in my head at the moment. I feel like blogging about it now, but its better if i do it next time when i have more time to blog.

My housemate, a friend and I have been talking endlessly today about everything and anything that comes to mind..and few things lingers on my mind...its basically abt relationship and life...what better topic can girls talk abt when potential guysss are around..;p

1)I know love works in its mysterious ways and for all we know, our 'jodoh' might be someone who has been hanging around our entire life..isnt that scary!! So in my head right now...I'm thinking...'OMG...seriously..WHo is going to be my jodoh? The 'waiting' is nerve wrecking..

2)And what if my 'jodoh' turns out to be one of the guys that I could never stand or what if he is the one I always argued with...geram hati with...and find annoying... im always avoiding...etc etc etc...

3)What if my family doesnt approve? What do I do then...

4)How can we be sure if that guy is the one for us?? How can anyone be sure he/she is marrying the one??? IS it worth taking a risk?

5)What if you are not ready to be married...but there are marriage proposals...do you say NO..or do you take time and think about it... or do you say YES though u r not ready for it...

6)How do you break the news to the family?

.....................................................................................

And when you are waiting or are going out with a guy/girl...

How long do you have to wait...to be sure to take the relationship onto another level?

How many chances do you give your partner?

How much can you take...and when do you say enough is enough when you dont get the same 'input' from the other side? How long do you wait before you decide u have enough?
.....................................................................................

And on another topic...an equally important one...

I know people say that family ties are think macam *blood*...but do you just stay quiet or do you confront them when you realized that you were led to believe something that is not true...

something that is of the most important thing in ur life...something that you grow up to believe...but only to find out later that it is not entirely TRUE...

What do you do then when some of ur life principles are based on the 'make believe facts'..Maybe some things were said and done to 'protect' us...to prevent us from getting hurt or feeling like its 'our fault'...or to prevent us from making the same 'mistakes'..etc etc etc...but isnt honesty the best policy??

Things that I've managed to suppressed all these times are coming back to the surface..and I'm unable to decide whether it did happened or not...

so, I better stop now before I continue with my nonsense ramblings..will leave it at that till next time.

Have fun people...and take things easy. Think before you speak..words are like a rainbow on the sky or like a bullet to the heart. choose wisely..:)

Empty space

My housemate and I have finally shifted away all the packed boxes to go for shipment tomorrow. She has been spending her time packing away her stuffs while I attempt to work on my thesis...though it looks like packing = soo much fun compared to sitting on my ass reading and motivating myself to type and finish up my work..:)

Now the house is empty...empty spaces in the living room...arah the hallway...our rooms empty pun...(except for mine coz i havent packed it away..) my luggage looks barat to be surung already...

NO TV...usually thursday night..i will watch 10 years younger...then big brother the whole night through unless theres something better to watch. TV is a must every night..its better than the sunyi-ness that fills the living room now.

And this is our last night to enjoy the INTERNET!! It will be cancelled tomorrow..so no tv, no internet,..can you guys believe it...how can we survive??dramatic jua eh. I have become sooo addicted to the internet..esp the youtube and bloghopping.. so maybe it is a good thing that I will be away from it in sept..unless i make time to go to the internet cafes. If not, then I guess there should be more progress on my work..;p

Anyway, just to let u guys know..esp the family..im leaving canterbury this sunday...I will be spending my whole September di Brunei Hall. Hopefully my work will be completely done after the first two weeks there...before puasa starts. The plan is to store junkfoods, juice and fruits in my room so that I dont really have to go out..unless i need fresh air..;)besides, I dont really know anyone there so it gets really boring..unless i decide to meet up with my friend who is coming to UK mid sept..yay!!

ok then, I guess this is my last update for the month. I will update it when I do find time to go to the internet cafe..if not then the next update will be in October ok.

Just incase I dont update it in September...just an advance 'SELAMAT BERPUASA DI BULAN RAMADHAN' and mudahan all our prayers will be heard and wishes granted. Amin!!

Have Fun!! xxx

Got many things that I want to talk about..but its a bit too private to be discussed here..maybe next time.

Anyway, as I am officially one of the many many youtube addicts...ive posted another clip from youtube. check out this song only if u want to...the lyrics kinda repetitive..but the beat to the song is nice, the guy is good looking..and i find the moves lawa..so enjoy..

If that's ok with you - Shayne Ward

View from the balcony..

Loving this song..

...nice n simple lyrics with a unique sketchy clip...



note: if it stops halfway..just click from where it stopped, it will continue..dont knw why but it works.

AUGUST 13th...

Its also a special day for the left handed people...like myself..according to the 'hot topic' on msn today ;)

It is said that left handed people are seen to bring bad luck...and history were 'unkind' to them..thanks to the Romans who has dramatized this whole thing of being 'left handed'. Luckily for me, I was not alive during those days..lol.

I personally think it doesnt matter whether ure a left or right handed though there seem to be a lot of issues about it..not that I will bother myself to read it. Nanti saja when im bored n jobless..;)

All that I can recall, when I was a lil kid...I do remember being told to do more things with my right hand...for example, when I 'put' things in my mouth, hold my spoon, my pencil..mengaut makanan and all sort of stuffs. It was hard when ur left hand will automatically reach out for things when u need to ambil barang..for example. So sometimes, I had to remind myself to do it with my right hand before reaching out for things. And I do recall being a lil annoyed when everything I did was being watched and salah.

But, I have to say that of course I still do alot of things with my left hand...it feels more comfortable for me. And sometimes I do have to remind myself to 'change hands' especially when eating with a spoon or fork because eating with the left hand is not good...culturally and religiously I suppose. But one thing I really cant change is when I eat with chopsticks...it must be the left hand coz with my right hand..i dont even know how to hold it properly. So, it is safer to makan with tangan..atleast I always use my right one..;p

And it is impolite to shake hands or receive gifts or pasing barang etc etc with the left hand...which is not a problem for me as I do pass/take etc things from others with my right hand out of habit. Its only when my right hand is occupied with other brg or dirty..that I use my left hand, even then, I apologise to them right on the spot.

Oohh...I remembered when I was in primary 5 or was it 6...I used to argue alot with this boy from pakistan/india (cant remember)..maybe his name was rashid or arshad..entah eh. Anyway, the point is..I was sitting on his right side...so when we do our work..especially when we have to copy things from the blackboard...my elbow usually banged into his elbow..and vice versa. and ofcourse, being a kid..we usually fight over stuffs like this between ourselves. Haha. I remembered thinking 'this boy is fussy n unfriendly'. Initially I said sorry, but eventually it turns out to be a 'game' I enjoyed simply because he was a perfectionist n wants his work to be neat..and I was too. So, I have to admit sometimes I did it on purpose when he is writing far ahead of me n when Im bored..and he did the same to me as well. So, we r even I guess. Hahaha. Funny, the little things that you remember..

Ok guys,I think thats all for now. Want to get back to my 'unprogressing work'..;)

Takecare.



*ok..ok..I give up.I dont have a problem with you being one of the left handers* ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAK MENG

I know it was yesterday...but its never too late to post something about it right :)

Enjoy the few pics that I have of you...lol...coz most of the time, u r behind the camera...;p

Hope you had a good day and wishing you a better year to look forward to..;p

Takecare.

Lots of love,
selina

Current state of mind!!

This is another boring post of how Im bored with my student life here...well, the first part will be more boring than the second part..(i hope);p I dont enjoy my uni here.. those who often meet up with me in canterbury would probably realize that already and might be bored to death listening to me when I do get into those *mood* where the only think that is in my head is..'I should have looked for more unis before'..and 'how buruk my uni is'..correction; 'how buruk my faculty is'. Haha. Ofcourse, others who studies here..some may agree with me..but most might not. But I will still feel the same about this uni.

Anyway, despite not enjoying the uni..I have to say that Canterbury is a very interesting place. With the gorgeous architectural work done on the Cathedral Church..where sometimes you can hear the bells early in the morning, the Westgate Gardens with a small river right in the middle of town..colourful flowers arranged...and Starbucks right next to the entrance of the Cathedral...shops, abandoned castle, wednesdays and fridays market where u can shop for fresh strawberries and cherries..etc etc...Its a small and pretty town with something to look forward to every weekend if you decide to go to town.

Last week, after I got back from Bolton. I decide to walk around town before heading to Tesco to buy a few things for me to munch on. It was not too buzy...but there was this interesting cute dude playing on his saxophone...moving to the left and right..dancing around while people sit on the available benches to watch him. It was soo sexy. I took a video of him on my camera..but unfortunately I could not download it to my laptop coz my laptop cant read any music or video files anymore. Only youtube works..;)Anyway, this is a picture of him...swaying around in the middle of town..;)



Anyway, i guess thats all...im still in my *lazy mode*...so will write more when I want to type what I wana say...;)

Have fun people..

He must be the weirdest guy of the month in Cantebury!! ;p



After I found what I was looking for earlier, I decided to have 'me time' at Starbucks. And I saw the guy above...First impression when I saw him masuk starbucks was...'eh, panas eh boots nya ah..how can he wear that on such a hot day'..

Then as he was queueing he was humming this song (i cant figure it out though)..then he decided to sit outside again before walking in..humming..and finally bought a raspberry frappucino.

He is one weird guy who entertained me..and possibly a few others.

As he sat outside, he took out a doll and a soft toy (a lil puppy) and his small trumpet out of his bag and arrange it on the table. When people passed by, he talked to them..though im not sure if people understood him as they just walked past him. And when this bunch of kids passed him, he took his soft toy and said 'Wuff! Wuff!'..hahaha... coincidentally one of the kids had a puppy toy..so she showed off hers to him and said Wuff Wuff in return. It made me and a few others smile.

And whenever a car passed by...he will blow his trumpet..often caught passerbys by surprise..haha..lain yang di trumpet nya...lain yang terasa..lol.

Of course I couldnt resist it but to stop and take his picture before I went off. So, maybe that is the highlight of my quiet Sunday...;p

New hard drive..

Its a sunday, so I decided to go to town and survey the prices for external hard drives. Went to currys..but there were only two options. So planned to check out pc world..but in the end, found one at comet..and realizing that I dont want to walk any further to pc world under the hot sun, I bought it..:)



Nice huh...and I never thought that sorting and transferring pictures can take ages..Ive spent 3 hrs ish just emptying my laptop. And now theres only a few files left..need to decide to keep it or delete it ;)

Birthday Wishes!!

Happy Birthday Kak Mel

Wishing you all the best in life and enjoy all the opportunities that has yet to come..;p

And another belated birthday post to Miss Ida. Wished you had lots of fun there back in Brunei

Tour de France is here in Canterbury ;)

Perfect timing...its a Sunday...hot weather...and amazingly, it didnt rain at all..;)
Wish I had a better focused camera...but this will do.. ;p M loving some of the promotional cars being paraded while waiting for the cyclists to reach the finishing line in Canterbury.

A lot of people have big dreams and high aims..and there is nothing wrong to dream and have big goals in life...or even multiple dreamssss....atleast we set our own standards, have a purpose in life..and a reason to move on from one aim to another when things goes wrong.

Quoted from Amitanshu Vishal:

We all should have a dream,
And we should focus on it like a beam.
Dreams are dreamt to be achieved,
Whether to go on moon or to work in field.
We should bet,
That though not yet,
But we will achieve our goal
Which we set when we were small.

....New Beginning....

There's a new beginning for everything...a new beginning doesnt always start with a clear indication or promising us with something good.

Some pathways in life are very blurry and shaky..we are open to choices that we ourselves are unsure of...whether it will make a good beginning or it will be the start of a bad beginning..

But despite all that, we still have to make a choice and face the consequences...and that is how we learn to cope with things in life. Face our fears, take risks and have faith it will all work well. And let faith runs its course. It is the experiences in life that will make us mature, more aware of things and hopefully a better person.

When we fall, we shouldnt take it as permanent failure...but we should look at it as a challenge...an opening to a new beginning. Am i making sense?

All that I am trying to say is that...We dont know what will happen in the future.. no matter how calculative we are with risks and all that sort of things in life.

Some of us make very 'good' decisions...but in the end, it ends badly. Some of us plans the future clearly, but it ends bad.

Some of us make 'bad' decisiosns...but in the end, it works out well for them.

While there are others who make not 'bad' decisions, just 'unclear' decisions.. where the pathways after the decision is made remains blurry.., but we stick by it anyway..and sometimes something good will come out of it.

In the end, we never know what God have in store for us..so, we just have to have faith and besyukur with things that comes our way and hope for the best out of it.

So, Im just here to be thankful of all the good and bad things that had happened to me all this time. And may there be more good stuffs coming my way soon and in the future. AMin!!



p/s: 87 days before the submission of my dissertation. Goodluck to Ida, Nadiah and Kak Martinah...it will all be over soon. :)