There are a number of things that took place in the past few years..especially in the past two years...and sometimes I can't help but wonder, is blood really thicker than water? Seriously...it is??? Sometimes I think its the other way round....

With that thought...I'll stop here.

Goodnight

xxx

I want to be brilliant =p

For the past two weeks, I have been alone in my office as my senior is on leave.

There are times when I am so energize to do work and I will finish off all the newspaper readings that I have to do and mark relevant ones for the librarian to cut, scan and store...and continue it with my typing, reading and doing research.

There are also times when I am just so not into my work and I will feel extremely sleepy. This is when I will be sitting, looking down at my paper or holding up a pen trying to keep buzy but my eyes are just too heavy...or I have to walk around to give random visit to the other units...just to say hi and wake myself up.

Recently, I have been doing alot of reading. And as I was reading all this excellent analytical articles written by renowned researchers / lecturers / journalist...it hit me...I want to be able to write brilliantly. I want to be like them..if not better..=)

One of my monthly core task is to write two papers...one is facts only and another one is an issue based paper which requires me to be analytical. I want to do both brilliantly. How do I do that? lol.

I know that my writing skills or analytical skills have progressed...judging from my boss's feedback on my work..yay...=) however, I dont really think I am doing that well. There are still a couple of things...(or alot actually) that needs to be look at and improve.

One of it is my talking skills. I tend to work better on paper than explaining things verbally. And sometimes I prefer it that way. Introvert tah banar. lol. Next is my presentation skills. This is one of my greatest fear that I have not overcome. Anyway, both are related to public speaking.  lol.

Being in Uni was different, I get to talk and practice infront of the same group of ppl, but in the working life, its just scary cause you dont get the same audience all the time and ppl expect you to be good. ppl expect you to know the things you do at the back of ur palm...which is not always the case....
I see things more as an ongoing learning process. No matter how much I read and know about things, there will always be someone who is more well-read than I am. I just wish ppl realise that.

Anyway, my point is...I want to be brilliant at what I'm doing. I want to write excellent analytical articles that is good enough to be publish in newspapers, journal, magazines...etc. I want to have my own book published...with my name on it. I want to be give excellent book reviews, I want ppl to fight to get the first or the last copy of my book...etc. wouldn't that be brilliant? lol.

I will try to work myself towards my aim starting next week...insyallah...=)

Its already 2am..and I have to wake up at 4.30 tomorrow.

Goodnight.

And may I have a brilliant Sunday tomorrow =)

xxx

I am currently attending a training course with the Scholarship Students who are enjoying their summer holidays. I am not that crazy about the course, but yea, I am open to attend it when the superior think that my colleagues and I should be able to learn and gain something new from it.


I’ve learned that managing projects requires more of careful planning and thinking critically. The more I listen to the facilitator, the more I feel that if we sit and think realistically and logically, all of us can be excellent project managers or project leaders.  LOGIC AND CAREFUL PLANNING. AND OFCOURSE $$$$$ =)

Anyway, today I am surprised by the remark made by the facilitator about me. There I was sitting and listening to her trying not to fall asleep and then she asked me whether I am the only officer who was never a ****** scholarship student (bearing in mind my other two colleagues – not ****** scholarship students as well – were not present today)…so I said yes, cause I am really never this certain Ministry’s scholarship student…I received my scholarship from MOE.

Anyhow, the more surprising remark is her next sentence. She said something along the line…to the whole class…‘Do you guys ever wonder why Selina is comfortable sitting on the side instead of the middle of the class’? I may be wrong but it is because she feels she is less intelligent bla bla bla by the others who are all scholars. I was like WHAT?! I was completely blur and didn’t know what to say.

I mean just because I like to observe more than talking, just because I am not as expressive and outspoken as the ‘excited enthusiastic young scholars who talks over each other’, it doesn’t make me less intelligent. I am proud and happy of my achievements and my hard work throughout my academic life. She has no right to judge me like that.

Initially I didn’t want to confront her about it however, by the end of the day I decided that I should. Its about me..my reputation...and I don’t really want her to think of me feeling inferior or anything like that next the scholars. I was like thinking...'sekadar jua...just because they are awarded ******,...'. So at the end of the day, I told her the reason why I am sitting where Im sitting!!! Plus I was the first few to enter the room masa the first day, of course I have lots of options to choose from. She apologized. I told her that I only want to clarify myself because I don’t want her to have such impression of me. Simply cause it wasn't the truth. 



Anyway, this is random but back in Uni as well as during MD, I enjoyed learning about Sociology. It was something new and I was totally into it..learning and understanding theories and reasonings abt certain aspects about family, criminals, love, etc. Sociology also made me more aware of why people think they way they think...the reasoning behind stereotyping and labelling people etc. And most importantly, it taught me not to be submissive and not to accept other people’s judgment blindly. Or else it will be a self fulfilling prophecy eventually, if we are not strong enough to prove otherwise.

Though I have to admit that there are times when I can’t be bothered with what other people think about me…cause in the end, it’s only me who really know myself…only me. But in this case, I am being judge based on me not being one of ‘them’…that isn’t fair right. The remark surprises me especially when it comes from a professional who supposedly had 20ish years of experience in her area. So I had to explain.


Hmm…funny eh…thought I’d share this with whoever is reading this.

xxx

I am exhausted and my head is banging. After ages of not taking medication (except cough syrup for my ever persistent on-and off flu), I took panadol few days ago and it felt so light.

But, I dont really want to take it again coz it might not have the same impact. so I have to make sure theres gap in between the intakes...to enhance impact. ;p

Anyway, I am at work now and Im not even in a mood to do research and type off my work. Instead I am thinking how to 'pause' my life...because I am so exhausted. But, is there even a pause button??

I was told its a tension headache...though it has been there for quite some time. I was told its my eyesight. I was told it could be my blood pressure and I was told a lot of things yadayadayada. hmm.

But instead of thinking of all the excuses to explain the headache, Im taking a leave for 4 days next month...but Im thinking...would getting a leave from work really relieve it?

hmm..something for me to find out.

How I wish there is such a thing as a pampered housewife...atleast I get to do things at my own time. I would love that (provided its at my own time)..;p OMG..we are such a spoild society.

my thinking is sooo random at the moment. so, i better sign off now.

xxx

Check this out….

Brunei - seen as one of the countries in SEA with high living standards, high literacy rates, low poverty rates and perhaps one of the most stable countries in the region. However, although the country is doing well, we can’t say the same about its society.

We are still expected to live our daily lives conforming to what is accepted…and staying away for the unacceptable and unimaginable (which is of course fine by me). I personally think our culture is beautiful and unique. But my problem is the fact that most people still feel and act like they ‘own’ others.

Society = intellectual, cultural, most with high purchasing power, sympathetic, religious, some are helpful etc etc etc...but unfortunately, some think too highly off themselves, selfish, N.A.T.O, vengeful, materialistic, ego, restrictive, etc etc.

Ok, I think I'm diverting away from my main point. lol.

Anyway, the point is....we are told to grow up, be independent and make your own choice. But still our lives are dictated and suppressed by insignificant others who thinks they are always right and never make mistakes…and who thinks our choice are always the unwise one.

I think we are free to make our own choice. No one can ever be sure on what is right and what is wrong. And no one can be sure whether what happens to A will happens to B. and what happens on Monday will happens on Tuesday. No one knows how tomorrow will unfold itself.

And though the choices we make might eventually be a mistake, then it is a risk we take and it is our own mistakes and not mistakes as a result of decisions made by others. We only have ourselves to blame if whatever path way we choose in life turns out to be a mistake. and the same applies if we let others dictate over us.

How can some people think very highly of themselves?
What makes them think they know what will happen in the future?
How can they be bigger than God? What makes them think that people can never change? One can never be so sure of what will happen in the future.
And what makes them so vengeful and unforgiving?
What makes them be so unforgiving when it comes to others but ‘weak’ when it comes to things that happens to her/him?

I don't think I'm making any sense here..so I will stop now. It is just something to ponder upon…

xxx