People often say that time will heal everything...even a broken heart. As much as I have moved on and am definitely in a much happier place now...it doesn't really erase the hurt you once felt. The feeling of annoyance, bleurgh, unsatisfied, the unanswered questions etc..its all there as memories. 

I know it is human nature to hate being rejected, cheated and deceived, being the second best and the person at the losing end. This is however the reality of life. 

Being in love is a great feeling...but there is no guarantee that it will last. There is no guarantee that the strong feeling inside you today will still be present in ten years time. There is no guarantee that you will grow happily and age gracefully together. 

The truth is...most of the time, things happened and it doesn't even make sense. And I guess that is the beauty of God. All has been designed to happened the way it is suppose to happen, and at times its better to lay things to rest as knowing the truth might be suicidal even from the strongest mind.

As an individual, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. This realization and acceptance however, does not really make it any easier (on the heart) to accept certain things when it actually happened.

Growing up, you have dreams and plans. Those sweet happy endings movies always make you believe that you will achieve your dreams no matter what. Unfortunately, it is not the case in real life. Sometimes it works out and other times it doesn’t. Sometimes something great will happen and immediately you will see the ‘reason’ for the failure of your other dreams, and at other times you will be tested by a series of unfortunate events before you can actually see the ‘reason’. Whatever it is we are facing, it is a great blessing if we do remember Allah; but what if we don’t? Nauzubillah.

I have been feeling uneasy for at least a week now. And this is accompanied by the difficulty to sleep…seriously it was annoying. And now I think I know why. It might not be it...but for now, I think it is.

Alhamdulillah Allah works in mysterious ways and it is up to us to really read on the little signs he is giving us in order to prepare us for something bigger. And for that, I thanked Allah for giving me the little signs that makes me much more prepared…not only on one occasion, but on numerous occasions within these few years. I may not always ‘fit’ the puzzle right away…but when it happened, the ‘puzzle’ looks picture clear.

…hopefully I will be able to sleep well tonight. Amin!!!

Random

I came across this while I was browsing through the updates on my facebook and thought I'd share it here since I can easily browse through my blog once I am at 'this stage' of my life in the future.

Lets all take note of this...insyaallah, our keturunan will be lebih penyayang and less selfish. Let them have enough love to share with others instead of expressing our feelings full of violence to get attention. amin.

...

1. Setiap malam apabila anak tidur hendaklah kita wiridkan Ya Latif ke umbun-umbun kepalanya sebanyak yang mungkin atau memadai 100 kali.

2. Membaca surah Al Fatehah 1 kali, Alam Nasyrah 1 kali

3. Bercakap-cakaplah dengan anak ketika dia sedang tidur dengan menyeru kepada nama penuhnya berbinkan atau berbintikan kepada kita sebagai ibu kandung mereka. Percakapan itu hendaklah berupa nasihat, pujian dan berceritalah tentang perasaan kasih sayang kerana sesungguhnya percakapan kita kepada anak yang sedang tidur itu sangatlah bekesan kepada jiwa dan rohnya.

4. Apabila kita sedang berbual-bual dengan anak sewaktu dia sedang tidur kita akan lihat matanya bergerak-gerak, walaupun dia sedang tidur.

5. Ayah dan ibu hendaklah selalu menyapu air lebihan wuduk yang ada pada kita, misalnya air yang masih basah di tangan ke muka dan umbun-umbun anak.

Wassalam

2012

Welcome to 2012. It has been a while since I last visited this blog, let alone write something here.

2011 is no doubt a very dramatic year for many of us...well, atleast for me anyways :)

It has been a very testing year on both the personal and work front. It was all about expressing feelings and thoughts in the right manner, right time, voice tone n body language; accepting and embracing differences between individuals whom we r related with and those we choose to be close with and in a relationship with. Besides that, most of the time, it was more about relearning about myself...having numerous inner self-battle, dealing with consequences of my past actions, having to accept that nothing remains constant..nothing remains in its status quo forever...thus sometimes its good to get out of the comfort zone and test the waters outside our norm horizon.

There are quite a few questions or remarks made during conversations last year that hit the 'brain cells' to think, rethink, reassess and relook and perhaps take action:-

1) what are you really passionate about in life?
2) Dont you pray?
3) I hope you are over him...
4) my senior said 'we are seen as excess baggage'....(but unfortunately i see us more as a dumping ground)
5) what else are u looking for in life?

These are only some out of the load.

One of the remarks that bothered me so much was something along this line 'siok jua life mu ani ah...you had it easy'... That made me really think...n I find it really rude to say that...I was very offended though at that time I chose to remain calm and undisturbed as always. But seriously you have no idea how hard life was for me when I was younger..not even the slightest idea of half of the things i have to go through. You dont know the sort of trouble I was pulled into just bcause I'm 'parent-less'. You have no idea the kind of situation I had to deal with and the kind of things I have to hear n accept n still act cool about it. Unless u have been in my shoes, then no...I don't appreciate u judging my life like u know me no matter how close we r. No one have the right to stay that to another indivdual because u can never fully understand another person.

Anyhow, I thank God that life has been kind to me as I grow older. I can only thank God and wish his gracious rizq will continue in every ways. And I hope i wouldn't lost myself n my faith along the way.

With that, I can only pray n hope that life will continue to treat us all well. But when it doesn't, I hope we would remember that everything has been plan for us, and there's always a blessing in disguise. Amin amin.

Xxxxxx

Missed dearly

This day last year was a very emotional day for our family. It’s the day my grandma passed away. Though she is no longer with us here, she is still deeply missed and at times it feels like she is still around.

There are so many things to share when it comes to her. When I was younger, she was the one who used to wake me up every morning to go and buy ‘kuih’ or ‘pulut panggang’ for breakfast. She was the one who made the greatest soup, the greatest home-made food and made sure I am awake on time to get ready and have enough time to walk to school. She has so much love to shower and share; and her level of patience and endurance is undoubtedly amazing. I am sure the whole extended family agrees.

Mudahan sentiasa dirahmati and placed among those yang beriman and yang berada di jalan Allah.

Al-Fatihah..with loads of love.

Our flights got delayed...so here we are stuck at KLIA. Foot spa is too expensive...the book store is getting uninteresting..and our feet is killing us. Thank god for the movie lounge section..we get to rest, watch movie and enjoy free wireless for a limited time =)


My first trip to Jakarta wasnt too bad. The hotel wasnt too bad though parts of it needs to be renovate...from my point of view...=p This time, I manage to make time for a full body massage and body scrub at the hotel...yay =)


Anywy, I have been looking forward for my mandatory leave next week...rupanya I havent took time off work for at least one year..hmm..unfortunately, despite being approved, I will have to go to work and reschedule internally my hols after July. hmm. Meaning I wont be able to go overseas tho I want to cause Im suppose to be at work..except during weekends..hmm..good enough lah I guess. hmm. And people say, you shouldnt let work overrule your life...ceh..=p


For the past few days, I have been doing a lot of thinking...about random stuffs...work related and not...the purpose of life, the purpose of work and purpose of everything.


At times we get too engrossed with work and all the other things in life that we neglect all the other things that matters more to us. Our vision gets clouded by the need to fulfill the things demanded out of us..or expected out of us..the so called "demands of life"...

In fulfilling the expectations, we often we forget...to pause and think...

Hence, I have pause to think...to think about all the possibilities of life...to think about all the alternatives of life...how good and / or bad life could have been...

hmm...just something to think about... to be continued...maybe...

xxx

Its already Wednesday and for some reason, I have been *lazy* this week.


Ive been trying to finish up my essay...however, I could not really concentrate - I feel sleepy all the time - and when others talk to me, I feel that I cant even be bothered to listen to them but since it is important, I have to concentrate with my eyes looking at them and trying to comprehend what they are trying to say. hmm.


Sometime I amaze myself - I can really look like I am listening and concentrating when in fact, in my head, I am thinking - what is he/she talking about? or most times, I am thinking, why cant I comprehend this? Why am I like this?


I really want to finish all my essays - however, my body and mind is not aligned with what my head is telling me. Maybe I need a detox or better a longgg holiday.


Sometimes I wish I am born rich with endless money to sustain myself so that I can actually go on a long holiday or take time off work or be unemployed for a longer period. However, I also appreciate all the *lil tests* I have to go through that makes me the stronger me today and am also very bersyukur with all the blessings that Allah has given me and my family. I hope the blessings will continue and bring all of us at the right path. amin.


xxx