People often say that time will heal everything...even a broken heart. As much as I have moved on and am definitely in a much happier place now...it doesn't really erase the hurt you once felt. The feeling of annoyance, bleurgh, unsatisfied, the unanswered questions etc..its all there as memories. 

I know it is human nature to hate being rejected, cheated and deceived, being the second best and the person at the losing end. This is however the reality of life. 

Being in love is a great feeling...but there is no guarantee that it will last. There is no guarantee that the strong feeling inside you today will still be present in ten years time. There is no guarantee that you will grow happily and age gracefully together. 

The truth is...most of the time, things happened and it doesn't even make sense. And I guess that is the beauty of God. All has been designed to happened the way it is suppose to happen, and at times its better to lay things to rest as knowing the truth might be suicidal even from the strongest mind.

As an individual, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. This realization and acceptance however, does not really make it any easier (on the heart) to accept certain things when it actually happened.

Growing up, you have dreams and plans. Those sweet happy endings movies always make you believe that you will achieve your dreams no matter what. Unfortunately, it is not the case in real life. Sometimes it works out and other times it doesn’t. Sometimes something great will happen and immediately you will see the ‘reason’ for the failure of your other dreams, and at other times you will be tested by a series of unfortunate events before you can actually see the ‘reason’. Whatever it is we are facing, it is a great blessing if we do remember Allah; but what if we don’t? Nauzubillah.

I have been feeling uneasy for at least a week now. And this is accompanied by the difficulty to sleep…seriously it was annoying. And now I think I know why. It might not be it...but for now, I think it is.

Alhamdulillah Allah works in mysterious ways and it is up to us to really read on the little signs he is giving us in order to prepare us for something bigger. And for that, I thanked Allah for giving me the little signs that makes me much more prepared…not only on one occasion, but on numerous occasions within these few years. I may not always ‘fit’ the puzzle right away…but when it happened, the ‘puzzle’ looks picture clear.

…hopefully I will be able to sleep well tonight. Amin!!!

Random

I came across this while I was browsing through the updates on my facebook and thought I'd share it here since I can easily browse through my blog once I am at 'this stage' of my life in the future.

Lets all take note of this...insyaallah, our keturunan will be lebih penyayang and less selfish. Let them have enough love to share with others instead of expressing our feelings full of violence to get attention. amin.

...

1. Setiap malam apabila anak tidur hendaklah kita wiridkan Ya Latif ke umbun-umbun kepalanya sebanyak yang mungkin atau memadai 100 kali.

2. Membaca surah Al Fatehah 1 kali, Alam Nasyrah 1 kali

3. Bercakap-cakaplah dengan anak ketika dia sedang tidur dengan menyeru kepada nama penuhnya berbinkan atau berbintikan kepada kita sebagai ibu kandung mereka. Percakapan itu hendaklah berupa nasihat, pujian dan berceritalah tentang perasaan kasih sayang kerana sesungguhnya percakapan kita kepada anak yang sedang tidur itu sangatlah bekesan kepada jiwa dan rohnya.

4. Apabila kita sedang berbual-bual dengan anak sewaktu dia sedang tidur kita akan lihat matanya bergerak-gerak, walaupun dia sedang tidur.

5. Ayah dan ibu hendaklah selalu menyapu air lebihan wuduk yang ada pada kita, misalnya air yang masih basah di tangan ke muka dan umbun-umbun anak.

Wassalam

A quick update…

 Its been ages since the last time I blogged, but its never too late to say Happy New Year right =) Many things had happened though its only 2 months into 2011. Some are good, some are bad and some are better left unspoken. I have started off the year thinking about a lot of things…from family, friends, work, health, finance, and all that.

And though it is a ritual for people to prepare a list of wish list or resolution every year, I did not made any for this year. Instead, I would like to work on the things I wished for since 2008…A few of the things that I’ve wished for since 2008….eg…


1) Get a job – that is done
2) Lose 10 kg – that is still in a working progress…in fact, this year, I need to lose 30 kgs. Lol.
3) To fit into my lovely old clothes – that is not happening yet.
4) Buy a house by 2010 – that is out of my list at the moment as I am financially unstable. Lol. However, I’ve applied for government housing back in 2009. Should hear something about it by this year.
5) To improve my sembahyang – still working on it.
6) To start mengaji – possibly soon
7) To reprioritize and put my needs first – still working on it
8) To start my savings for real…
9) …

Some of the unexpected / unplanned things happened since 2008 –


1) Found new love =)
2) Slowly letting go of old love... (finally..lol)
3) my laptop died on me...so had to buy a new laptop
4) the same goes to my car...lol.
4) Un-friend a childhood friend – good riddance I must say
5) I have anger issues lol
6) reconfirmed to myself that I hate silly confrontations
7) …

I think that's all for today.

xxx

Besides the 'lepaking session' on the first day of eid at my grandma and cousins, its been quite a while since the last time I was truly excited for Eid. I dont remember how and why the excitement has deteriorate...but its probably cause I am older now..or probably because I presume some or most of the things done pre-eid are unnecessary and such a wastage or .... lol.


Whatever the reason is...I felt a bit of excitement or *jealousy* last week while I was in KB beraya at one particular home.


As a kid, I remember my dad would always bring me there every now and then. His friend has 5 kids and we would ber-karaoke, liat tv etc while my dad and his friend chat.


Now his friend's kids are all grown up and married. So when we went there the other night to beraya, his house was filled with fun..laughter...as most of them..both children and grandkids.... duduk dapan tv watching one of the horror movie on Astro.


To see them talk and laugh...being carefree and all that...made me felt something...m not sure what it was.


The family bond is just amazing...Everyone wasnt bickering over one another and just sitting down and all that....i felt a *feeling*. The calmness and the "meriah-ness" I felt saddens me especially when I felt it in another person's home. hmm. Maybe that is the feeling of Eid. I wonder...

At times I feel like there is just not enough time for me…to do what I plan to do, to achieve what I want to achieve and to make changes to the things that is close to me. Hmm. I feel like time is catching up on me…and sometimes I feel like it’s literally catching up.

I will often find myself trying to juggle a couple of things at a time. Some are more productive than others. At the same time, i'll be thinking of how and what else could I do to make all easier, etc and by the end of the day, I’m just so exhausted.

I wish I'm given more time...there is just so much to do. Amin!!

xxx