Sunday, August 23, 2009

There are certain things in life that you can’t and shouldn’t return to…and sometimes these are the things you missed the most. You don’t talk about it but it’s always at the back of your mind. You don’t talk about it but certain things / places/ people just remind you of it.

At this moment, I miss the presence of ____ . I don’t talk about it as much as I think I cope better without talking about it. When you talk…it makes you think more…and the feedback you get might make you think more deeply. But if you keep it to yourself, although you think about it…but because there are no feedback, then you keep on burying it in…deeper and deeper. And atleast you move on without people saying…’ eh, u said bla bla bla…etc etc.

It is hard to resist the urge not to remain in touch…to drop a text…or an email…especially when details of ____ are laid down in front of you. However, sometimes you have to remind yourself not to fall back into that path after repeatedly being sucked in…with no positive result.

It makes me wonder what is it do I miss so much about ____?
Why do I believe there is still hope though it is clear there is none?
Why do I keep on looking back at it though I have taken huge steps forward?

I have to admit sometimes it does not help me at all when people inform me random updates related to ____. Of course there are times I want to know what is up / happening though there are times when I rather resist the temptation. And when I am given random updates about ____, it is easier to reserve you thoughts and feelings about it and reply with short and quick answer.

There are times when I wish we are still in touch…there are times when I wish ____ would surprise me with a call…an email…a text… though that would be like digging my own grave.

Anyway, despite whatever…I will remain silent as this is the best way I know I can cope. Talking does not necessarily solve it. It just complicates things especially when those around you claim their way is the most ideal way of dealing with things. It complicates things in your heart and head. It adds up to your worry. It makes you feel unsure and guilty…and that is the last thing you want.

For now, I guess the best thing is to hold on, be patience, pray and it will go away eventually, if not now.

Mantra of the day: When things do not go your way…when things we like / love is taken away from us, there might be something better in store for us.