Friday, May 14, 2010

I am on a diet. 

Yes people, this is my third day dieting and my second day jogging. I had a resolution back in 2007 (or way before that..) that I will lose weight on the year I turned 30. So it expires end of 2010.

I have always had weight issues. I don't remember a time when I don't have weight issues. Even when I was younger, though I am not particularly round and fat, I have always been chubby. Though I was never as heavy as I am today, I was still considered *big* for my height and age. Or bruneians prefers to call it lampuh. 

Anyway, I have always believe that if I can't lose weight by the age of 30...then I will never lose it. Unless through illness or miracle..;p 

Of course, some...who are aware of me trying and wanting to lose weight will say...yeaaa...I've heard that before...or we go again or just laugh it off. Of course you have heard it before...because it is a problem that I have not been able to tackle yet!! 

And it may be funny at times. but it hurts at other times. It may be funny that instead of losing weight, I gained weight instead.

I do get the joke. But what others don't realize is, it has always been a challenge for me to lose weight.. even 1KG is a hard work. They don't realize that it is hard for me to shed it off. 

I often lose my mood when I shop for clothes. Simply because it is already a large size but I still cant fit in it nicely. Or it makes me look double my size. or it is just too small despite its so called large size.

So sometimes I will get emotional internally. and of course I will occasionally shed a tear or two. Of course I will feel depress...not be in a mood to socialize...or talk about it. Its just natural to feel that way.

Of course I appreciate the fact that at least I am healthy and blessed. but at the same time, I am trying here and it is enough that I am having a hard time to lose it, I don't really need any words of discouragement. I don't need to deal with that.

Have a good weekend.


Thursday, May 13, 2010

De-stressing :)

As a reward to myself and to release my stress from being in the office, I am now in the library…taking 5 mins off from typing…:)

I miss this…being able to spend time in the library. Being able to spend my time in silence. Being able to just focus on read on stuffs I am supposed to read and being able to pick up random books from random shelves just as a temporary diversion from having to read the books that you are suppose to read and know.

I use to enjoy my Uni years by spending my free time in the library. I just love the way all the books are organized and all the tall shelves with unlimited quantity of resources. Its just amazing.

Library was the place where my cousins and I hang out and meet up whenever anyone’s free. We chat (silently), finish up our work, read up on things that are listed on the reading lists, and discuss about the stuffs we do not understand...though our areas are different…one is Science, one is Business, one was in the teaching faculty and I was in the Social Sciences faculty.

Hmm...the good old times :)

Not happy 

I was personally invited to attend Young Leaders Forum at Seoul, South Korea at the end of this month. Can you imagine how excited I was? I printed the invitation straight away and pass it to our internal Admin people to notify boss about this. This was 30 April.

On the same day, or the next day, we had a meeting with boss about our core tasks. Holding the email I printed for him, he asked me if I am interested to participate in this forum. Clearly, I said yes, I am very interested to join this.

So he said, he will panjang kan this to orang for approval or whatever. Then I informed the Institute that invited me about it and I will notify them once I got the approval to go. Yay for me.

Last week, I asked the Admin whether they have been instructed by boss to write a letter. They said No.

They also said that he usually ask his PA to do that. o im glad. The next step is to wait for the approval.

Today, I checked my email and received an email from them saying that they have to fill in the slot for me with somebody else because its only two weeks away. And I would have to prepare some pre-assignments things by now. So they have to let me go and invite me next year (hopefully)

I was like..ohh...ok. if it has to be that way. At this stage, I am alright as in my head, it is due to the ever so slow government-style process etc. which I cannot do much about.

But then I became curious, so I called my boss's PA and asked if she ever done any letter for me to attend this forum. She checked and she has no record of it.
Rupanya my boss hogged it for whatever reason. Its still lying on his damn table.
I am so angry.

I mean he has been nagging arah kami that we inda pandai or rajin cari courses / training / conferences to attend abroad (like we have all the time in the world to monitor atu tah pulang). Not that he ever send me to the ones Ive listed out last year. hmmph!! And now that I am invited to attend this forum that is only on invitation basis, he did not act on it.

Why bother asking if I am interested to participate in it in the first place then?

And why bother nagging us to look out for relevant courses / training / conferences to attend online.. (I am not going submit my list to him now.)

Why bother to be concern about our welfare and training development etc...? Why?

Theres nothing good in giving people hope when you dont intend to act on it.  Theres noting good in giving people hope when you only want to crush it!!  

I am just simply plain unhappy!!!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I met Princess Masnah in a dream last night.

Not sure where and what the occasion was...

but that is one weird and random dream. lol.