At times I feel like there is just not enough time for me…to do what I plan to do, to achieve what I want to achieve and to make changes to the things that is close to me. Hmm. I feel like time is catching up on me…and sometimes I feel like it’s literally catching up.

I will often find myself trying to juggle a couple of things at a time. Some are more productive than others. At the same time, i'll be thinking of how and what else could I do to make all easier, etc and by the end of the day, I’m just so exhausted.

I wish I'm given more time...there is just so much to do. Amin!!

xxx

I am currently attending a training course with the Scholarship Students who are enjoying their summer holidays. I am not that crazy about the course, but yea, I am open to attend it when the superior think that my colleagues and I should be able to learn and gain something new from it.


I’ve learned that managing projects requires more of careful planning and thinking critically. The more I listen to the facilitator, the more I feel that if we sit and think realistically and logically, all of us can be excellent project managers or project leaders.  LOGIC AND CAREFUL PLANNING. AND OFCOURSE $$$$$ =)

Anyway, today I am surprised by the remark made by the facilitator about me. There I was sitting and listening to her trying not to fall asleep and then she asked me whether I am the only officer who was never a ****** scholarship student (bearing in mind my other two colleagues – not ****** scholarship students as well – were not present today)…so I said yes, cause I am really never this certain Ministry’s scholarship student…I received my scholarship from MOE.

Anyhow, the more surprising remark is her next sentence. She said something along the line…to the whole class…‘Do you guys ever wonder why Selina is comfortable sitting on the side instead of the middle of the class’? I may be wrong but it is because she feels she is less intelligent bla bla bla by the others who are all scholars. I was like WHAT?! I was completely blur and didn’t know what to say.

I mean just because I like to observe more than talking, just because I am not as expressive and outspoken as the ‘excited enthusiastic young scholars who talks over each other’, it doesn’t make me less intelligent. I am proud and happy of my achievements and my hard work throughout my academic life. She has no right to judge me like that.

Initially I didn’t want to confront her about it however, by the end of the day I decided that I should. Its about me..my reputation...and I don’t really want her to think of me feeling inferior or anything like that next the scholars. I was like thinking...'sekadar jua...just because they are awarded ******,...'. So at the end of the day, I told her the reason why I am sitting where Im sitting!!! Plus I was the first few to enter the room masa the first day, of course I have lots of options to choose from. She apologized. I told her that I only want to clarify myself because I don’t want her to have such impression of me. Simply cause it wasn't the truth. 



Anyway, this is random but back in Uni as well as during MD, I enjoyed learning about Sociology. It was something new and I was totally into it..learning and understanding theories and reasonings abt certain aspects about family, criminals, love, etc. Sociology also made me more aware of why people think they way they think...the reasoning behind stereotyping and labelling people etc. And most importantly, it taught me not to be submissive and not to accept other people’s judgment blindly. Or else it will be a self fulfilling prophecy eventually, if we are not strong enough to prove otherwise.

Though I have to admit that there are times when I can’t be bothered with what other people think about me…cause in the end, it’s only me who really know myself…only me. But in this case, I am being judge based on me not being one of ‘them’…that isn’t fair right. The remark surprises me especially when it comes from a professional who supposedly had 20ish years of experience in her area. So I had to explain.


Hmm…funny eh…thought I’d share this with whoever is reading this.

xxx

I sat quietly at a corner of a room

Looking around

People pass by

Eyes met 

And yet nothing is spoken

At times you wonder

Where will this bring you?