Less than 2 weeks
I have less than 2 weeks left before I have to head back to Brunei. Though I miss home, at the same time, I also want to be here...a bit reluctant to go back. I havent pack, havent even bought boxes to put my stuffs in it. There are still things that I want to do here..but perhaps next time eh. its time to go back n u cant stay away forever right..;p
Anyway, I've decided to list a few things that I am NOT looking forward to when im back in Brunei..so here goes..
Its decision time. Its time to decide the next stage of my life. The future that I am going to face..bla bla..depends on the decisions I make (atleast I think so)..and with it comes responsibilities and the need to stand ur ground and grow up!!
I guess the idea that I no longer have any excuses to continue my studies and just be a student scares me. IT IS SCARY to move to the next stage in life..conforming to the 'cycle' and what is expected of you.
Study = Work = Marry = Have Kids = grow old..;p
Dont get me wrong, I AM EXCITED to work and open a new chapter in my life. but like everybody else, I dont have an insight into how my future is going to be. And for some reason, I am worried. What if things doesnt work, what if my interests change, what if I want to do something else...the system that we have back at home doesnt really allows us to change professions, embark on a new interest etc EASILY.
And on top of that, theres also another issue close to heart that I need to resolve once and for all. Something that will hurt either way...unless changes are made. But for changes to happen, something big will have to happen to shake 'it' into its senses. And it must have a big impact to speed up realization and appreciation... only time will tell.
And the feeling of unable to control and not knowing of what the future holds is just unbearable..it makes u wonder. Am i the only person who finds it scary to open up a new chapter..to move on to another level of life..a different kind of atmosphere etc. But then again, when i think about it..why should i be worried about all this? that is what life is all about right. Life would be dull if we are able to predict everything. What are meant to happen, will happen..so, whatever it is..we just have to embrace it and hope all will work out well.
hmm..something to ponder upon later on till I fall asleep which is what I am doing in 5 mins..;) and ive just realize i havent done a list..so i think basically, this is what is worrying me...;p
Loads of love,