Friday, December 01, 2006

Random flashback...conversation with a friend

Last month, I had a very interesting conversation with a dear friend of mine, lets call him Mr. O…online about random topics…but one of the topics left me thinking… trying to make sense out of it. I was trying to reflect on it and see the logical side of it. It was about long distance relationship.

Many people would go ‘OH NO, NOT AGAIN!!’…but we have to admit that no matter how frequent we talk about relationships; long distance or not, or how we always say that we have made up our mind about a person...whether to love, like or dislike…some who decides to be friends will find themselves back in love again and for some it will be back as friends again…how amusing is that? Our life is like a drama whether we like it or not.

And although we have endless discussions about this topic… it is STILL an interesting topic to talk about again and again...although it might be about the same person, again and again. I don’t know whether to pity ourselves or its just some random memory we CHOOSE to keep alive.

And although we have endless discussions about this or how we keep on telling ourselves, ‘Oh, we are just friends…or I am over him / I am over her or I will never be with him / her again etc... But when we are face with the situation, we often find ourselves re-thinking about it despite US telling ourselves that we have made up our minds earlier on.

Some may ask…what is Cells talking about? I ask myself the same question.

But the conservation with Mr. O sparked all sorts of questions in my head. He was talking about a girl he likes, who he keeps in touch whenever both parties are not busy and remain friends… not more than that. And due to distance, he said that he will not put enormous hope on himself and the girl to be together walaupun they do like each other.

I asked why… he said it is so hard to expect someone to wait for another person when RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES ONESELF TO BE PRESENT. Plus u can’t expect any commitment of those sorts from a long distance thingy.

So it made me think…is being present in the physical self REALLY important? Padahal people always say that distance makes the heart grows fonder. Mr. O said it does makes the heart grows fonder…however, u cant put high expectations on it coz you are at different part of the world…experiencing different things...knowing different people…etc.

So being present in the heart and mind is NOT ENOUGH to keep the relationship going. Mr. O said Presence is important…being there…at the same place... doing things together etc is important. It’s something about the bonding factor etc. He said its like a padi field; How can padi grow well if the farmer is not there to plant the seeds, water and look after it bisai bisai till the harvest season. Surprisingly, his analogy makes sense. Well, atleast I think so.

But I personally think if you are really into the other person, then distance doesn’t really matter especially now that everything is so high-tech. As long as you keep in touch…don’t be SELFISH and DO MAKE TIME for the other party…and of course the feeling mesti jua ada masih..then all should be fine. Although I know its not as easy as Ive wrote it down here...but if u really like / love the guy / girl... then u will TRY & MAKE it happen. But of course, some will say that u cant throw ur time for this person i guess TIME LIMIT is also important. And 2 or 3 chances is enough to be given away to one person.
Anyway, I think I’ve said enough for now. Will probably write more next time.
This is just me rambling nonsense…just trying to write out my thoughts…but then, I think its worth thinking about. Any personal thoughts?? :)


FR said...


I think you definitely need to be present.. but ofcourse not ALL the time!!! And how much present is sufficiently present? that's subjective.. I've just said not ALL the time. but to some ALL the time is possibly the ONLY kind of present they know..

as everything in drama... you need to work at something to make it work.. no? a couple of mistakes at the beginning? a sudden change mid-drama? Lol.. that's OUR drama.. God knows where it's going ;p

keep this kind of entry coming Balsy! =) Muahz

rena said...

eh selina, are we still talking about the IAN idiot. as far as i am concern, it is HISTORY with him, paloi saja ko kalau ko kan sama urg macam atu, cakap baik baik masa ada urg dapan dapan, bt when ure away, sudah tia cinta inda berputik lagi.

to IAN, if u are reading this comment. Get the hell out of my cousin's life. GO get your own life, and stop harrasing people's heart.

Padian said...

For once, you write about something that is worthwhile reading and taking the effort to make the extra thinking link! though, I would like to remind you, your father reads your blog regularly now ;) thanks to me magic ways of persuasion :P

Anyways, after recently having this kind of discussion myself, I KNOW, for myself, at least, that PRESENCE is important! I do know it is subjective, and that perhaps everyday is not always possible, hence, a compromise is important.

life is a drama... we have our own saga... boring or teary as it may be, its our own story...

susi said...


interesting topic. I think long distance relationship can work providing both parties are totally committed to make it work and are LOYAL and FAITHFUL to each other. Both are v.v. important. Even if the other person is with you 24/ doesnt mean the relationship will work 100%. Suffice to say...COMMITTMENT, RESPECT, LOYALTY and LOVE will make a relationship work 200%.

reachingout said...

wah..i didnt expect my nonsense talking will get few comments..hehe..but i like comments :)

bee- yup, i agree its a subjective thingy..thats y i was asking my much of it is needed etc etc

kak meng- NO,its not about IAN. Not everything is abt him ;p. I do keep in touch with him and he has no idea about this blog n like to keep it that way ;p

this is a conservation with a friend who likes this girl..but they are so far away. thus, both try to keep in touch saja without any strings.

kak mel - haha..i know this is the first 'thinking' blog ever published ;p...i hav lots of topics like this..but then, dont know how to express it out loud. And my father baca my blog regularly! thats impressive...bnr bnr ya making use of his pencen time. hehe.

a.nor - i completely agree with u.Without all that, it will never work..this topic made me think abt my 'relationship'...where i think the lacking bit dulu was effort. ;)

Kay-Canada said...


No matter How far or near a person maybe, True love has no boundaries.
You are an Awesome' girl... a person with great family values, humourous and kind.
Someday you will find that special someone' Cause Love does work in a strange ways....It's all Natural:)

Take Care my Good Friend:)


elz said...

I am not a beliver of a long distance. Gave it a try and it didnt work. But, ironically, it works for some people. Love works in a mysterious ways.

Being PRESENT can be subjective. Sometimes, its physically present is not important. My opinion is, both have to be emotionally and spiritually present in order for it to work. ;)

elz said...
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