I am on a diet. 

Yes people, this is my third day dieting and my second day jogging. I had a resolution back in 2007 (or way before that..) that I will lose weight on the year I turned 30. So it expires end of 2010.


I have always had weight issues. I don't remember a time when I don't have weight issues. Even when I was younger, though I am not particularly round and fat, I have always been chubby. Though I was never as heavy as I am today, I was still considered *big* for my height and age. Or bruneians prefers to call it lampuh. 


Anyway, I have always believe that if I can't lose weight by the age of 30...then I will never lose it. Unless through illness or miracle..;p 


Of course, some...who are aware of me trying and wanting to lose weight will say...yeaaa...I've heard that before...or yeaaa...here we go again or just laugh it off. Of course you have heard it before...because it is a problem that I have not been able to tackle yet!! 

And it may be funny at times. but it hurts at other times. It may be funny that instead of losing weight, I gained weight instead.

I do get the joke. But what others don't realize is, it has always been a challenge for me to lose weight.. even 1KG is a hard work. They don't realize that it is hard for me to shed it off. 

I often lose my mood when I shop for clothes. Simply because it is already a large size but I still cant fit in it nicely. Or it makes me look double my size. or it is just too small despite its so called large size.

So sometimes I will get emotional internally. and of course I will occasionally shed a tear or two. Of course I will feel depress...not be in a mood to socialize...or talk about it. Its just natural to feel that way.

Of course I appreciate the fact that at least I am healthy and blessed. but at the same time, I am trying here and it is enough that I am having a hard time to lose it, I don't really need any words of discouragement. I don't need to deal with that.

Have a good weekend.

xxx