Monday, April 27, 2009

I LOVE NOTEBOOKS

I just switched on my laptop and was about to take my notes out to type...then I realize, I have lots of notebooks. I simply love them...at the moment, I have 4 with me at home..and surprisingly Ive been carrying it to work and back from work..no wonder my bag is heavy!!

And Ive been trying to count how many more I have at work...I think after I gave away one of it to my aunt last week, I have 3 more at work. hehe.



Sequence L to R: From Lee Kuan Yew's Memorial Lecture, Office, Kak Lin and Azedah :)

Oh..and one more thing...this is my present from kak mel...she 'hand-made' it. Another one to my collection of notebooks..yay..Lawa ah..:)



Thanks kak mel :)

Come to think about it...I have always have lots of notebooks and some of it remains empty for years...especially during my primary school years at St. George. But this time I intend to make sure all the books are efficiently use :) except for the one I got from Kak Mel..that is far too lawa to be written on..maybe in a few years time ;p

Conclusion: What can be a better way to explain..why I have lots of notebooks other than to say that I am in love with notebooks.

xxx

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

This is an email received from Bungsu. Read on...:)

Effectively Coping with Anger

By: Grant Kono, LCSW

Anger is generally the most self destructive emotion that you feel. This is because it’s an emotion focused on action. If you are not acting on the anger, then you are thinking about acting on the anger or hoping that someone else will act on the anger.

Anger always comes from a feeling of being oppressed, victimized, of boundaries being violated. The feeling can be felt personally or it can be observed to happen to someone else or to a group of people and then the feeling becomes personalized.

Although anger is an emotion that tends to be impulsively acted upon, it is actually a feeling that requires other emotions in order to be experienced. Anger always has the elements of anxiety and frustration at work. These emotions are usually harbored for some time before the emotion of anger arises. There is usually a triggering event or events from which the anger originates. Most often, there are a number of unresolved experiences prior to the triggering event(s) where these emotions are generated that are also involved. The experiences may be centered on a theme or general situation.

How Anger Arises

You may think that anger tends to come out of the blue, that you are generally a calm, rational person. What is more often the case is that you learn to live with a certain amount of suppressed anger, often kept at bay by addictive behaviors. Every once in awhile the amount of anger that you normally feel, and are normally capable of managing, is increased by an event, causing you to need to vent the extra anger that you now cannot manage, much like a pressure cooker venting steam. Once the excess anger is vented, you will probably go back to your normal routine, feeling like that anger was uncharacteristically felt and so most likely not your fault. When looking for who’s at fault, blame is placed outward, like the person who cut you off on the freeway, your boss, your wife, your kids, your car, etc.

Feeling Oppressed/Victimized

The problem with this feeling of victimization is that when you have the belief that this feeling of anger does not originate in you, there is no longer a reason to change the feeling in you. Instead, this feeling of oppression always means that there is someone or something oppressing you. And so the responsibility for your emotion is projected onto someone else. Now that your anger is someone else’s fault, there is no reason to confront your feelings. The action that you will take, or at least want to take, is to change that person or thing that you believe caused you to become angry.

The Angry Crusade

And so, the angry person goes on a never-ending crusade to right one wrong after another, not realizing that the anger is originating in him, and therefore trying to force people and situations to stop him from feeling angry. What you end up finding is that the crusade really is never ending. Once you force someone to stop making you angry you find someone else who makes you angry, and so you are on to another crusade. In the process, you force those people around you to your will or you force them out of your life. The people who are forced to your will must take on your belief that you were victimized by someone’s or something’s action or inaction, or to begin harboring their own feelings of oppression from you.

Making Others Responsible For Your Feelings

What you have really done is to make them become hyper-aware of your moods. This is necessary since the anger is almost always the last straw in a series of emotions and events nearly always spanning years, and so often difficult to pinpoint what the straw is or when it will next fall on the camel’s back. Since the people around you will never really be able to tell what the final straw will be, they become forced to monitor your emotions and to avoid any hot spots where they know you will become angry. In effect, what you have done is to make them responsible for controlling your anger. What you will unknowingly create are submissive and anxious people who will also begin to generate their own feelings of victimization and anger.

Chronically Suppressed Anger

People who chronically suppress their anger carry certain characteristics to their personality. They tend to have at least one addictive behavior, such as gambling, drinking, drugs, etc. They tend to be moody and cope with their moodiness by trying to feel happy, and also try to be around other people who they believe are happy. They try to keep their inner struggle with anger out of their awareness, as well as away from other people’s awareness. This struggle is a constant struggle and so the need to suppress their feelings and redirect their attention is also constant and tends to be impulsive, rising and falling with the tides of their inner struggle. Individuals who chronically suppress anger tend to find others who are going through similar struggles.

A Community of Anger

Individuals harboring anger find each other through their similar needs to engage in addictive activities, to make quick relationships that will help stem the tides of their moods, and who will understand their struggle because the other person is going through the same struggle.

Angry people usually do not have long term intimate relationships with each other, due to the volatility that is inherent in such a relationship. Instead, they tend to have angry friends who can support their feelings and behavior, while at the same time not constantly triggering each other, which they would be doing if they lived together. This supportive community often gets together to support each other’s beliefs of victimization and addictions, thereby unconsciously supporting each other’s underlying emotions that are causing these things in the first place.

Sustaining Anger

Anger is an emotion that is very easy for the mind to understand, but is very draining on the body. It causes you to want to run or fight, forcing the body to constantly release adrenalin, which becomes very taxing over the long term. Anger also doesn’t allow for positive feelings to flow. It is hard to want to retaliate toward someone when you’re feeling happy.

The mind’s response to this is to make you surround yourself with people and things that support your anger. You’ll find yourself listening to angry music. You will want to watch violent movies, and it might be a bonus if the hero in the movie is justified in being angry and acting out of his anger. You will perceive people and situations to be threats to you that someone without anger would not.

An interesting twist to anger is that you will begin to become aware of the destructive potential that you have should you act out of your anger. You will begin to project this potential onto other people who are angry, and begin to be anxious and hyper-aware of them, just as you have forced other people to become hyper-aware of you.

The Value of Anger

Is anger a bad thing? Yes and no. It is like the exhaust from a car. Does the exhaust pollute? Yes. Can I run my petroleum-fueled car without making exhaust? No. Are there other types of fuel that can be used that do not have this exhaust? Yes, and car manufacturers are slowly looking to alternative types of fuel. Ultimately, I do not believe that there is a place for anger in a society. However, the people in the society must reach a certain level in their emotional evolution to stop their own anger. Anything that you can do when angry, you can also do when calm and focused. Only when you are calm and focused you will have more options to you and you will be more in control of your actions. Anger will put blinders on you. It will force you into believing that you have only a few options, if that many.

That being said, anger also gives a person the motivation and courage to establish and maintain emotional boundaries. These boundaries are important for the continuing evolution of that person. But at some point the anger must be dropped in order to continue evolving emotionally. Like the example above, at the point we are in our evolution of fuel sources, we need petroleum in order to power many things. However, the exhaust is polluting our air, and has come to a point to where many people believe that long-term damage to our planet will happen if we do not reduce our use and find alternative fuel sources. In that same way, we must find alternative ways to look at ourselves and others that do not cause anger. In so doing, we will find alternative fuel, or emotions, in ourselves besides anger.

Why Do We Have Anger?

Anger is the normal evolution of our suppressed emotions. If you were to take the need to act on your anger away, it would simply indicate to you that you have anxiety and frustration built up in your body, and that it is now being funneled into anger by your belief that you are being victimized.

What Do I Do When Something Makes Me Angry?

Stop believing that something or someone else has made you angry. Start realizing that this person or thing has only triggered a feeling of victimization that you have set yourself up for by allowing unresolved feelings of anxiety and frustration accumulate. Start confronting your emotions. This does not mean that you have to stay in a certain situation. Rather, it means that you must calmly and rationally evaluate the situation(s) in your life that are causing anger, how they are benefiting you, hurting you, triggering your anger, your own role in the situations, and then decide what course of action, if any, to take.

No. I mean, what do I do right now when something makes me angry?

Unplug yourself from the person or the situation. When you feel angry, you will also feel plugged in. You will feel plugged into feeling victimized, plugged into wanting to retaliate, plugged into needing to start a course of action soon, if not immediately, the course of action often being aggressive.

The simplest, most direct answer to this is to unplug yourself. Walk away, take time out to clear your head. Don’t stay in the immediate situation and try to reason your way out or reason the situation out when your anger has been triggered. Step away from the person, the situation. In doing so, you will symbolically begin to step away from your anger and the beliefs associated with it. But this is only the beginning.

Anger is an emotion that usually takes years, or at least a number of unresolved experiences, to develop. It almost always has a number of attitudes and behaviors accompanying it in order to keep it in place. So the process of untangling your ball of anger will also take time.

The Place of Shame and Guilt

Unchecked anger can be a gruesome thing to observe, and certainly to experience. Adrenalin fuels anger. An angry person can become addicted to this feeling of adrenalin and the extra power flowing through his body, and so the destruction and impulsive actions that he is capable of can become addictive as well. One of the elements that people who constantly commit aggressive acts toward others have is anger. One of the elements that they lack is shame or guilt for their actions, allowing them to act on their angry feelings again and again.
All societies use shame and guilt in order to control their populace. It is probably one of the reasons why we haven’t killed ourselves off as a species. It would be wonderful if we all could have respect, empathy and compassion for all beings, but that takes a certain level of emotional and social maturity that is not always reached by people.

Instead, we are instilled at an early age of the sense of right and wrong, and of being good or bad people depending on our actions. While some people talk about the problems with guilt and shame, these are necessary emotions to feel until you can rise above these and begin feeling respect, empathy and compassion for others.

What do I do if I really want to get rid of these angry feelings?

The Active Work

First, realize that this process is going to be a long haul. It will most likely take years of concerted effort.

Take complete responsibility for your anger. That doesn’t mean that you need to stay in a situation that makes you angry, or that you shouldn’t address the situation to change it. It means that the emotion of anger that you are feeling is completely yours. You unconsciously set yourself up to feel angry by allowing an accumulation of anxiety and frustration to develop. Then you unconsciously allowed situations to arise that would make you feel victimized. It is like unconsciously putting a chip on your shoulder and then feeling victimized when someone knocks it off.

Begin making a note of every time that you feel angry. As you do this more often you will realize that you become angry far more often than you realized.

Begin making a note of every time that you feel frustrated and your frustration turns to anger.

Begin making a note of how often you feel anxious. You probably feel some level of anxiety most of the day.

Begin observing all the ways that your lifestyle, behaviors, and attitudes support this feeling of anger. What friends, family, associates also feel angry?

Now begin to make changes in your life. You must make a conscious decision that you will not act or think out of anger. Notice that this isn’t to say that you will not feel anger, or that it will not be a part of your life for a long time. Instead you are choosing to think and act in ways that are not influenced by your anger.

You must begin taking away the things and people who support your anger. Sometimes this means simply changing the way you interact with others, but most often it means leaving certain lifestyles and people behind.
Next, begin associating with others who support a life without anger. Have you noticed that these are all actions? None of these things have to do with changing your emotions. That’s the hard part. You can do all the things up to this point and have a lot of tools in order to begin removing anger from your life. If you want to get to the root of the problem, then read on.

The Emotional Work

Here comes the hard part. Begin to forgive yourself for being angry. Even though you might not realize it now, your anger is part of an unconscious coping mechanism that the human psyche has learned to adapt in order to help you survive. However, you must realize that there are better ways to respond to situations than to become angry. You must believe that there is always a better way to respond to a situation than to become angry, to feel that you are a victim.

Work at forgiving others for their part in triggering your anger. Begin to believe that these people struggle with their emotions on a daily basis, just as you do. It can be difficult to come to a realization of this, but you can trust that they struggle also.

Now you must begin feeling the pain and hardship that you brought upon others due to your behaviors. Anger rarely just effects those directly involved. There are often emotions felt by third parties on both sides of any conflict. You don’t necessarily have to seek out every person and ask forgiveness, but you need to contemplate on how many people you may have impacted in a negative way by your actions. This is one of the ways that you will begin to gain awareness of the impact that actions, both positive and negative, have on those around us and on society itself.

Finally, you need to go back into your memory and begin to unearth those experiences where you began the seeds of feeling victimized, feeling frustrated, feeling chronically anxious. They almost always go back to your childhood. If they do, look to see if there is a pattern that goes back generations to your parents, and their parents. One of the things that you may be doing is unraveling a pattern of dealing with your emotions that has gone on for generations.

Conclusion

Is the work hard? Is it tedious? Is it painful? Will you feel bad? Is it ultimately worth it? Yes to all. You will almost always need support on this journey. Avoid seeking help from those who are still plugged into old patterns that you are trying to shed. Seek out those who can show you compassion. Find others who are on the journey. Those people who have made significant progress on this journey are unusual. If you find someone like this, consider yourself lucky, and welcome whatever support this person can give you. If you need professional support, seek out a psychotherapist who understands where you are and who you are comfortable with. If you believe in God, or another source of a higher power, seek Him/Her/It out. Above all, don’t give up. Realize that there will probably be a number of backslides on your journey of shedding anger. Learn to be gentle with yourself as you learn to be gentle with others, and take better and better care of yourself as you learn to truly participate in life and with others better and better.

Friday, April 03, 2009

JEM JEM JEM

Today is Jem's nikah ceremony. I couldnt attend it as I am working..unless I rush off a lil early from work..perhaps around 4. That is not a bad idea..though I think its not gona happen.

Anyhow, wishing her all the best in the next stage of the life cycle..hehe..semoga bahagia till the end..stay in love and stay crazy as always. ;)

Once you are free, we should catch up on our Shisha session yang inda pandai menjadi jadi..haha.

Will try to turn up for your wedding once tercari dangan since NADZ wont be in the country at that time..;p

xxx
..Full to the max..

Event: 2nd Anniversary of the Institute I'm working with

Though the boss is not in the country at the moment, we went on anyways...upon his request. Started off with doa selamat read by an Ustaz.

Menu:

Soto
the full package...lada rindu, hati buyah, daging, and all the other bits to it..

Lamb Chop ...yummy...

Shepherd's Pie...delicious...

Orange campur...


And now everyone is full..the guys are off to prepare for the Friday prayers..and I'll be off soon too.

Thinking of sending my kain to bejahit..need it for weddings to attend...and to look nice and presentable at work. hehe.

Ok then, I better go off now.

xxx

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Reminder of the day for myself:

- Be less critical of things. Just let it go.

- Try to ignore the judgemental people.

- Just try to do my best in whatever I am doing.

- Think positive.

xxx

Friday, March 13, 2009

Updates:

I am tired

Been working on ‘a-not-so-important-paper’ for a month...It is dragging and becoming less significant as day passed. But I’m so glad it is finally over. I’m hoping that I won’t have to do another ‘teamwork’ paper in the near future. It is simply frustrating and de-motivating.


I was planning to buy an Acer laptop over lunch just now…only to find it is not currently in stock. I was also told that the shop will not be selling Acer anymore because they have been getting complains from their customers…most of the problem = the motherboard. They told me to buy DELL. Hmm. Something to think about since I never thought of buying DELL before today. Maybe I’ll end up buying that small Aspire One...it’s cute and will benefit me since I only need it to type and do research…while I contemplate on a better one. What say you?


Looking forward to have a weekend to myself


Looking for other ‘career’ opportunities…so far none with my qualifications have been advertised. Most were very specific such as electricians, engineers, and the list goes on. Hopefully there will be one or two opportunities for me soon.

Will write more soon

xxx

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I love this type of clips..

do u call it sketches...drawing..or...i dont know..anyway, its a very nice song..

enjoy :)

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Received this through an email and think its worth sharing. Most of us usually connect beauty with physical beauty. Having the "correct height and shape" is seen as a blessing and perfect beauty.

However, how many of us have think and evaluate beauty in terms of the points below?
I guess not many...so enjoy reading :)

xxx

Kecantikkan Lelaki

Kecantikan seorang lelaki bukan kepada rupa fizikal tetapi pada murni
rohani. Lelaki yang cantik,adalah:-

1) Lelaki yang mampu mengalirkan airmata untuk ingatan

2) Lelaki yang sedia menerima segala teguran

3) Lelaki yang memberi madu,setelah menerima racun

4) Lelaki yang tenang dan lapang dada

5) Lelaki yang baik sangka

6) Lelaki yang tak pernah putus asa

Kecantikan lelaki berdiri di atas kemuliaan hati. Seluruh kecantikan yang
ada pada Nabi Muhammad adalah kecantikan yang sempurna seorang lelaki.


Kegagahan Wanita

Kegagahan seorang wanita bukan kepada pejal otot badan,tetapi pada kekuatan
perasaan. Perempuan yang gagah adalah:-

1) Perempuan yang tahan menerima sebuah kehilangan

2) Perempuan yang tidak takut pada kemiskinan

3) Perempuan yang tabah menanggung kerinduan setelah ditinggalkan

4) Perempuan yang tidak meminta-minta agar di penuhi segala keinginan.

Kegagahan perempuan berdiri di atas teguh iman. Seluruh kegagahan yang ada
pada Khadijah adalah kegagahan sempurna bagi seorang perempuan.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I am so ANNOYED...

I dont understand why some people, if not most, have a NEED to impose 'authority' over others.

Have the NEED to do things that only makes their lives, and the people around them, DIFFICULT!!

They are usually PERFECTIONIST TO THE POINT BEYOND LOGICAL AND RATIONAL THINKING...and expect others to do things the same way.

ACCEPT IT...people are different...each with their own ways of doing things...do things in the way they understand it better...and it is not NECESSARILY DONE UR WAY.

THERES NO PERFECT or IDEAL ways of DOING THINGS IN THE WORLD.

DONT IMPOSE THE WAY YOU ARE COMFORTABLE TO DO THINGS ON OTHERS!

THEY MIGHT UNDERSTAND THINGS BETTER AND ARE ABLE TO DO MUCH MORE IF THEY DO IT THEIR WAY...

XXX




Friday, October 24, 2008

Something missing...

I am 28 years old. Im blessed with a big extended family..aunties, uncles and cousins whom some I dont even know their real names. Friends from all sorts of background and a number of good trustable friends. I have a good education and a job with a reasonable pay, and I am seeing someone.

So why is it do I feel like there's still something missing...as if theres a missing 'brick' in the whole wide puzzle? Why is it I still feel lonely?

Don't get me wrong...I am absolutely thankful for the blessings Ive been given...the opportunities that came my way...the silly mistakes that made me a stronger and perhaps a better person.

The only question is...why am I feeling the way I feel?

xxx

Monday, October 20, 2008

My friend and I finally started our first day of what I call a 'permanent' or 'my never ending' attempt to lose weight and be fit...and oh my god!! Im so not fit!!! My friend said that if im not fit then i wont be able to reach the top of the first hill...which makes me feel better as I try to catch my breath at the top. lol. it means theres room for improvement..hehe.

So, may this be the beginning to whatever i dream of achieving...;p

xxx

Sunday, October 19, 2008

God's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, 'Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold.'

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,
'I wonder where my sorrows could be!'
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
'My child, they're all here with me..'

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
'My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go.'


So let's start focusing on our blessings and be grateful xxx

Thursday, October 16, 2008

We had a lecture series this morning for military personnels and civilians and followed by my first trip to the training institute at Penanjong in the afternoon for our guest to give lecture to the junior cadets. it was interesting especially at the training institute as the cadets were more enthusiastic to ask questions during the Q&A.

Anyway, now m killing time at Cheezbox before its time for me to bring the guest to our dinner venue. To drive all d way home would be alang alang..so this is the next best option.

And so I got time to sit and reflect on myself..(which ive been doing alot lately...and sometimes too much for my own liking..;p)

Anyway, these are the areas which I need to pay more attention:

1) to enhance my knowledge

2) and more important...to 'maintain' it in my head...meaning i have to work on my memory 'power' and work on lessening the eefectiveness of my 'built-in block system' or my 'autodelete' system..lol.

3)Time management - I believe I've improve compared to how I was back in April 2008. However, more need to be done in terms of dividing tasks and using my time efficiently...and all this goes back to my 'brilliant' speed to blocking and auto-deleting information in myhead.

4) If there s such a thing called 'Internal Anger Management Course' or something like that, then I ll need to join it.

5)and to work on my greatest weaknesses...:
a) my self confidence
b) my indecisiveness
c) my lack of enthusiasm for certain important things in life
d) on how I can easily get bored of things. I need to find something that will keep me interested for a long time.

Anyway, its nearly 7pm now..I have to go. to be continued... xxx

Monday, September 22, 2008

Feeling better...

My head is heavy, my eyes are sleepy...but despite all that..I got a clearer idea and picture of my purpose of living and working..

May this feeling last..

xxx

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Brief Updates:

This month has been particularly busy...especially catching up and sungkai-ing out with friends whom I havent seen for ages. Its been fun...and I realize how much life have changed since my graduation back in 2005.

This is also the month where I am catching up with all the pending work as a result of my one month course back in June. It is not progressing as much as I wanted it to be..but it is moving towards that direction slowly.

Its my fourth month..and I am not enjoying work. I dont think the work suits me..or I suit being there. either way, despite months of giving it chances, I still fail to enjoy it. So, we'll see what I intend to do next...

Till my next post..xxx

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Article of the day

Was searching for an article for my work...then came across the interesting title...'saying what you don't do'. Couldnt helping myself...had to find out what the article is all about and I find it rather interesting as it is something that we can easily relate to.

Enjoy reading ;)

Saying what you don't do
Dr Khalid Sa'ud al-Hulaybi

Friday, July 25, 2008

RARELY do people live up to everything that they say. It is part of our human condition. Some of us almost always follow through with what we say, so that there is almost never a discrepancy between our words and deeds. Some of us act before we speak.

Some of us speak readily, then drag our feet when getting around to doing what we say we are going to do — but ultimately get it done.

There are those of us who mean what they say, sincerely, but never get around to doing it. Then there are those who nobody should bother waiting for them to do anything, because they never seriously mean to do what they say.

This is a logical breakdown of people with respect to their doing what they say. Some people might consider it too obvious to need mentioning.

However, more astute minds would have started pondering on this topic from the moment they read read the title. By the time they finished reading the introductory paragraph, they would feel some personal distress. This is what I intended.

As the old saying goes: "When a person takes himself to task, only then he becomes worthy of esteem."

We often say and do things without thinking. Then, worse still, we fail to evaluate our words and deeds. We never look at ourselves critically.

We might fall into the trap of heedlessness on one occasion. We might succumb to difficult circumstances on another. We might even fall into sin.

Allâh says: "It is most hateful to Allâh for you to say what you do not do." (surah al-Saff: 2-3)

People generally look positively on those who practice what they preach. This is why it is a compliment to call someone "a man of his word".

We look upon a doer differently than we do upon a mere "sayer". A doer is respected and trusted, someone you can do business with.

The glib talker, on the other hand, is looked down upon, distrusted, and his words are laughed at. We know there is no substance to what he says. A person who works is at the threshold of true satisfaction. If he makes work his habit, he will achieve it.

Philosophers have contemplated the meaning of Earthly happiness, but I have not found anything better or truer than: "Happiness is in achievement."

This definition of happiness approaches the concept from the angle of activity and productive work. We should most certainly plan out our efforts, but we should not waste all of our time in aimless planning.

I have seen so many cases where precious time is spent in holding consultations, mapping out objectives, and articulating dreams — but without any productive work ever coming of it.

Those who people take as role models — and those who set themselves up to be role models — are individuals whose lives are their deeds. If their deeds disgrace them, then they are truly disgraced — in their own eyes, in the eyes of society, and maybe even in the eyes of God. People are more comfortable with someone who is true to his word, even when that person makes a decision that is contrary to their interests. This is because they know where they stand with him, and they respect that.

Allâh tells us that the Prophet Syu'aib, peace be upon him, said to his people: "I wish not, in opposition to you, to do that which I forbid you to do. I only desire (your) betterment to the best of my power; and my success (in my task) can only come from Allâh. In Him I trust, and unto Him I look." (surah Hud: 88)

A person might stumble when he walks, but he is still better than someone sitting still. A person might fall when he runs, but he is still faster than someone who walks.

A ship at sea is in danger of sinking, but the ship was not made to stay in the harbour forever.Islam Today

Sunday, July 20, 2008

How and when?

When you are in a situation that seems to be stagnant and one sided. and when it seems like its YOU who has been doing all the hard work and effort to ensure it will work out fine..and work out according to plan.

When is it do we say enough?
How do we know its time to let go?
When should we let go?

I scared myself a few weeks ago when I said to myself that I am ready to let go. Then i just brushed it off.

I guess it is normal for us to fear the unknown and the new ones.

I have to sign off now...my thoughts are everywhere.

xxx

Friday, June 20, 2008

Got this from a forwarded email...nice reading...
(except for the man's poem..lol)

A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to
'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

A MAN'S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a
bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit!

xxx

Sunday, June 15, 2008

GIANT





Finally, I made my way for the first time to GIANT yesterday for lunch. And it is true...its YELLOW YELLOW. Lol.

I didnt 'meronda' GIANT as I was starving. So I only stopped at the dim sum section. Hehe.

Maybe I can browse through the shops properly my second time round ;)

Sunday, June 08, 2008



This is what Ive been up to since 2nd June...a month after I started my job...and it will go on till 7th July.

And I have to say its been interesting and refreshing...a completely different environment compared to being at the office.

Wlll update with hopefully more pictures soon.

xxx

Friday, May 23, 2008

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!

I am at the moment stuck and stranded inside my office.

WHY?

Apparently the main automatic door has been locked. And the supposedly security who should be guarding outside is nowhere to be seen.

Now...I have to wait for my colleague who will return to the office to collect his laptop and all. So what more enjoying that going online. lol.

I find this in a way funny...though I cant explain why. But I do hope I will be out of this building before maghrib...which is just in a few minutes. Hmm. Another unfortunate event!!

Anyway, we have finally move to our permanent seat..and my table looks 'naked'. I want to add a few character to it so that it wont be dull.

Let me list some of the things I will need:

- small shelf...the height of my divider...which will mean dua tingkat saja.
- a proper place to put my pen next to my desktop...I saw one di Serusop. It a figure of a cat putting its arm together. Lawa!! And cheap. lol.
- proper divider for my books and papers
- ?

What I want:
This is the interesting bit...hehe..not that I want much...a few saja.

- a tall plant...im thinking around 16inch...should be more or less the height of my divider to be place at the corner of my L shaped table. And im thinking maybe those small miniature bamboo would be nice.
- another plant...with colour...to be place next to my desktop.
- something that I can stick on my divider.. mayb family picture. or maybe I would like to keep my life private..;p

Thats all I can think of right now. I just want it to be simple and nice.

Since my colleague is not here yet......let me think of what to write. Hmm.
Here are some random things in my head.

A foreign doctor working in Brunei asked me why I never opted to take medicine. Seriously, I dont know why. Maybe it never occured to me. I dont even remember.

What I do remember...I wanted to be a forensic...then Im stuck with the idea of being an archaeologists. And now, I am completely doing a different thing. Its funny how our life always turn out to be different from our plans.

Anyway, my colleague is here now.

Got to go...dont want to be a prisoner for long...;p

xxx

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Rain rain go away.....

I made my way to the stadium...wore my socks and tied my shoes. Just after 5 mins of briskwalking, the wind was blowing hard and the clouds turns dark. Was soaking wet by the time I arrive back to my car. It rained on the day I decided to jog. How unfortunate!!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Few updates

Been doing a lot of catching up session with *L*, a dearest friend of mine this week. Going to miss him a lot when he goes back to work to the other side of the world end of next week.

Work - its been 3 weeks. It will be the 4th week the coming Monday. Deadlines lining up but its been fine despite the pressure to catch up with time. Will probably move office as well next week ;)

Today - My first weekend where I had to go to work half day to get something done.

Then I had nasi ayam mango for lunch. Give it a try ppl at Happy Dean. Nyaman rupanya. Never heard of nasi ayam mango before until today. lol.

After lunch, went for a quick drink with L and discussed a number of issues around us. Learning more about him.

Then, I watched RUGBY live for the first time with Nadz. OMG! Some of them just ran into each other like nothing...so the smaller ones lah yang kesian. I called the opposing teams the 'bees and the ants'...haha..They actually terpelanting you know...like when we buang our bag on the couch. lol. I would love to see more of live RUGBY. Its a very different atmosphere when compared us sitting down infront of the TV. lol.

And now Im at home. Decided that my body needs rest though I have more plans up my sleeves. So im taking a few days break with more rest for my system. lol.

OK, thats it for now.

xxx

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Someone made me smile

A friend commented on my blog few hours ago while we were chatting..and it made me smile.

I've known her since my first year uni and I have to say that I never really know what my friends really think of me...after all these years. Most would say I'm nice, though I think I can be the complete opposite ;)

Anyway, she said...something along this line...

Btw, i like ur posts in ur blog sal the girls thingy. and the rest was cali..like apakan...i can imagine u writing them do n u know the look on ur face.

hm u may look sweet and innocent from the outside, mcm the type yang doesnt speak much mcm awu2 saja, biasa kan ayu..tapi once u open ur mouth..its like semua orang lari coz it fieryyy.. and powerful.



...the end...


Well, you know who you are..and thanks so much for the comments. Hehe. And yes, I take it as a compliment ;)

So...I'm wondering, do I get to hear anymore comments from the rest? ;p

xxx

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Trust your instincts!!

I was contemplating whether to use the Telanai road or just passed the Istana earlier today. Then I decided to passed the Istana as it is a more straight journey to go to Batu Besurat.

When I stopped at the traffic light at the Telanai junction, it randomly hit me that maybe there will be a road block today so I shouldn't drive fast. So I slowed down by a few double digits km/hr. But after passing few houses along Damuan, i just put off my feelings aside. And it was at that very moment that I saw two policeman sitting down on the grass with this black thing to catch the speed.

I quickly hit my brake and swear to myself after I realized they caught me. They looked and smiled when they understood my expression as I put my palms over my mouth or face. lol.

And of course a policeman stopped me a few minutes later and told me to go to the side.

Fortunately, I knew the guy who stopped me...and a few seconds later he realized that he knew me as well (thank god!!!)

He asked me why am I speeding. I was driving as fast as 85. And me..not knowing what to say...told him the truth...


'I am speeding coz I am late'

..and I've hit on my brakes so it was supposed to be 65..


He said ..we caught u 200m before u break.


I couldn't help laughing inside..thinking how stupid it was to tell them the truth.


Anyway, I promised him not to drive as fast along that road anymore.



Moral of the story:

Trust your instincts.

This is not the first time that I've pushed my instinct to the side where it bites me back..

xxx

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Interesting read...


THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GROWN WOMAN AND A GIRL


Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits.


Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.


Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.


Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.


Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.


Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.


Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.


Girls try to monopolize all their man's time ( i.e., don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends.


Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.


Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'.


Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.


Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.


Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women and their male friends. Do not go where the path may lead, go instead, where there is no path and leave a trail."

What do you guys think?

xxx

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I was browsing through random blogs when I came across this entry. I think it is an interesting entry made by 'Wearing Sunscreen'.

Hope you will enjoy it as much as I did.



The meaning of silence

Seller used to say to me that he never wore a watch because it nagged at him and reminded him that he was late. From this he deduced that all watches were female. This, amongst his many other idiosyncrasies, used to make me laugh.

Women nag. Apparently. Thing is we don't see it that way. To us it's discussing a problem. To us it's opening that discussion. Admittedly, not in the most conducive of ways, but really, generally when you've GOT to talk about something, it really bothers you so you're probably not going to be thinking how conducive your opening words are. It's unacceptable to pretend it never happened and hope it goes away. Women by nature are not Ostriches.

And men complain about this. However if we never nagged then nothing would ever get resolved. Men grumble about it like it's the worst thing in the world.
But it's not.

It's when she's silent that there is a problem. Because when a woman is silent it's because she just doesn't care anymore.

Contrary to what we were taught in primary school, the opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.

For as long as it matters to her to talk it out. For as long as she is trying to understand and to make you understand. For as long as she brings the matter up. That is how long YOU matter. For that period of time your thoughts, actions and feelings matter to her. They have a bearing on how she thinks and feels. They count.

But when she is silent, she has given up on you. When she is silent, it just doesn't matter anymore. When she is silent she has no more expectations of you.

When she is silent, YOU do not matter. She is indifferent.

So yes, the opposite of love is indifference.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Pictures worth sharing





Took by a friend of mine when he went on a 'dolphin sighting' trip.

xxx

Friday, March 07, 2008

Check this out….

Brunei - seen as one of the countries in SEA with high living standards, high literacy rates, low poverty rates and perhaps one of the most stable countries in the region. However, although the country is doing well, we can’t say the same about its society.

We are still expected to live our daily lives conforming to what is accepted…and staying away for the unacceptable and unimaginable (which is of course fine by me). I personally think our culture is beautiful and unique. But my problem is the fact that most people still feel and act like they ‘own’ others.

Society = intellectual, cultural, most with high purchasing power, sympathetic, religious, some are helpful etc etc etc...but unfortunately, some think too highly off themselves, selfish, N.A.T.O, vengeful, materialistic, ego, restrictive, etc etc.

Ok, I think I'm diverting away from my main point. lol.

Anyway, the point is....we are told to grow up, be independent and make your own choice. But still our lives are dictated and suppressed by insignificant others who thinks they are always right and never make mistakes…and who thinks our choice are always the unwise one.

I think we are free to make our own choice. No one can ever be sure on what is right and what is wrong. And no one can be sure whether what happens to A will happens to B. and what happens on Monday will happens on Tuesday. No one knows how tomorrow will unfold itself.

And though the choices we make might eventually be a mistake, then it is a risk we take and it is our own mistakes and not mistakes as a result of decisions made by others. We only have ourselves to blame if whatever path way we choose in life turns out to be a mistake. and the same applies if we let others dictate over us.

How can some people think very highly of themselves?
What makes them think they know what will happen in the future?
How can they be bigger than God? What makes them think that people can never change? One can never be so sure of what will happen in the future.
And what makes them so vengeful and unforgiving?
What makes them be so unforgiving when it comes to others but ‘weak’ when it comes to things that happens to her/him?

I don't think I'm making any sense here..so I will stop now. It is just something to ponder upon…

xxx

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

This post was supposed to be publish like a mth ish ago... lol. totally forgotten about it.

'ideal body'

'You are fat'!!
'Your arms are flabby'!!
'You need to flatten your tummy'!!
'Your thighs are too big'!!
'You are big'!!
'You need to start losing weight'!!
'You need to start eating healthy'!!
'You look like that fat woman next door'!!
'Who is that fat girl / woman?'...bla bla bla...

How often do you hear people saying these things to you? How many of you are able to identify with these?? I bet a lot of you are able to. May it be from some simple remarks such as 'Have you gained weight?'...sarcastic ones...'U look healthy'...and to extremes ones.... many of us definitely experienced this situations once or uncountable times.

The idea of what is an ideal shape varies from culture to culture and each to its own taste. Some prefer skinny, petite ones while others prefer fleshy ones with bits and pieces to grab on.

Women are constantly pressurized to look good. From head to toe, from big to lil accessories, from left to right etc etc etc. And women often starves themselves, take diet pills, exercise excessively...in order to lose weight to meet her supposedly 'ideal weight'...or losing more weight till they are underweight..or till they see themselves as 'beautiful' in the mirror.

Family, peers and society...stigmatized obese woman. I mean what is the big deal? Big women...it doesnt mean they are not eating healthy foods...and for the skinny ones, it doesnt mean they are healthy.

Stop criticizing and lower ones' self esteem by making such remarks...like constantly. An individual knows when she/he is fat and unfit and needs to lose weight. Stop trying to focus on others weak points and stress them about it.

If you can't say it nicely, then don't say it at all. Whats the point anyway?

There are more things to talk about and look forward to. Infact there are more things to life....than being one of those people who constantly tries to achieve an 'ideal' shape.

It makes you less interesting when that is all you talk about.

Take a chill pill.

xxx

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Pics taken when we went to Miri a few weeks ago...






Not ready to pose...



Still not ready...



All set for a nice pose...



a very happy boy....found what he was looking for... 'coloured dinosaur eggs'..lol




lots of nice stuffs that I wish to buy...when the time comes..;p


xxx

Friday, February 29, 2008

Opps!!

I just realized that I have accidentally published an entry thats not suppose to be posted just yet simply because I'm not done with it...lol...so I've deleted it of course..;p

Will write more next time.

xxx

Thursday, February 14, 2008

And yes, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to everyone who celebrates the V-Day.

xxx
...

Initially, I signed in with lots of ideas to write and talk about. But now that I've signed in...nothing is flowing out of my mind. lol.

All I can say is...I am feeling better compared to my previous post. I've been spending my days reflecting and trying to understand why individuals behave and act the way they do.

Why do some people say things without thinking of the consequences of their words and actions beforehand?

Why do some people act so kind in front of others but....?

Is it fame, wealth that they are after; OR being seen as brave, cool and confident that they want OR are they just extremely deprived of attention that they can't seem to leave anyone in peace and just mind their own business??

It is a wonder.

Whatever it is, I will not let it bother me. If being B-chy and pretentious will get them to where they want to be, so be it. Whatever makes them happy.

I just have to make sure that I know what I want, prioritized my needs and work on to achieve it. Whatever makes me happy.



This post is not reflecting on anyone in specific...just thinking out loud randomly.

Goodnight and have a good weekend.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

TOO MUCH DRAMA

Anyone who really understands me know that I TRUTHFULLY HATE DRAMAS!!!! lebih lebih lagi drama queens.

So much had happened in the past few weeks. Initially it was excited and interesting. And after the outcome of the 'event'; and when the drama starts to appear, things get kind of less-exciting from my point of view.

I am no longer interested in 'it' as I was initially..no matter how much effort I put in and knowing that I would have enjoyed it.

I am now tired of hearing so many different versions of the same thing from random unreliable 'THIRD PARTIES' and whatever it is that may pleased that person; topped with cheeries, whipped cream and a dash of hershey's chocolate to add extra buzz to the 'drama script'.

May all of you who have contributed to the drama scripts one way or another be SUCCESSFUL directors!!

Go continue your script!!!!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Out of boredom...

Was browsing the net and came across an interesting website...so decided to take a commitment test.

My score: 50.

What does your score mean?

According to this quiz, you are rather hesitant to take the plunge. Though you might be very much in love with your partner, there are some things keeping you from giving it your all. Maybe your relationship is a "late bloomer" and things will advance when the time is right. Maybe you just aren't ready yet. Or maybe you have some nagging doubts in the back of your mind that might be worth exploring. The most important thing to remember is to keep the lines of communication open-it is important that the two of you are on the same commitment wavelength.

WHAT I THINK OF THE ASSESSMENT??

Based on what I've experienced, this is quite true. I am not yet willing to take anything on to a serious level no matter how in love I might be. I have my reasons..and intent to keep it to myself ;)

If I have taken this quiz back in..hmm..let me think..back in 2004/2005, I think my assessment result would be way different. I think back then I will have a higher commitment level compared to now ;) However, I guess my priorities and the way I look at things have changed tremendously over the years.

Nywy, if you are interested to take this test or any other tests...just click on this website... http://health.discovery.com/tools/assessments.html ...I don't know how to link it here the easy way...;p

Its quite interesting although some of the questions asked are not 'culturally and religiously acceptable'..but it is only a quiz..just give it a go ;)
Little things in life that makes me happy..not in order..:)

1) friendly faces

2) spending time with family n friends

3) the smell of freshly cut grass

4) smell of coffee

5) beach

6) sunrise n sunset

7) music

8) the feeling of being appreciated

9) respect

10) the feeling of being in love

11) getting random hugs from family and friends..selected ones of course...;p

12) a clean space

13) chocolate muffins

14) 'me' time...once in a while

15) being loved

16) a good laugh

......to be continued....maybe ;)

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Hair quickie


A quick trip to u-know-who for a brilliant hair fix..:-P

Monday, January 07, 2008

2007 was definitely a 'tough' year for me personally for so many reasons which I do not wish to discuss here. However, despite all that, I am optimistic that good things will come out of it eventually, if not now :)

So, what do I plan to achieve in 2008?

1) Get a job.

A stable part time job in the next few months is, and hopefully a 'fun' and stable permanent job before the middle of the year. Amin!!

2) Improve myself.

Focus on some sort of personal development... work on a few areas that I think needs some major and minor polishing...;p

3) Start a saving account.

4) Do some stuffs that I truly enjoy..or things that I dream of doing but never got the chance to do so.


Wish me luck..;)

Monday, December 31, 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEE!!!

Hope you are having fun there in US especially when u r celebrating ur bday and new year there *envious smile* ;p...and update soon.

Few pictures that I have of you..and saya suka the old film effect..hehe.
enjoy yourself, birthday girl ;)




Take care and miss you.

Love,
me

Sunday, December 30, 2007

I've been tagged!!

Here are the Tagging rules:

1. Each blogger must post these rules.
2. Each Blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and read your blog.

Eight random facts/habits about me ~

1. I hate cockroaches!
2. I love to sing.
3. I dream to be a marine archaeologist.
4. I am NOT a morning person, so I really appreciate an hour or two of SILENCE in the mornings.
5. I love tempoyak.
6. I mentally 'blocked' people out when I'm extremely not in the mood to listen.
7. I am reserved.
8. I enjoy reading.

These are the people tagged:

1. Iskiness
2. Audrey
3. Wina
4. Serena
5. Jirin
6. Rabzilulu
7. Fifah
8. Anyone else that seems to be reading this blog entry!!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

My new new hairdo ;)

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Badminton

Its raining so ever labat here in KB. I was out with my dad a few hours ago for dinner.. and then we passed this hall...it was sooo bright. Rupanya its a gelanggang where ppl can play badminton etc. I didnt even know theres one nearby to where I am in kb. I miss playing badminton!!!

I use to play badminton every now and then while I was in UBD with leng, iqzal, jane or ikin. We would arrive early so that we can get the court that we like...so that we wont end up waiting for the others to stop playing before we can start playing. It was fun.. playing singles and double.

This one time a few years ago, baby and I went to Menglait sports hall to play badminton. It was weird coz it was our first time and the court looked full...but we managed to play for a few hours. I remembered thinking that it was good.

I have to admit that I am not really aware of the rules...because I havent been bothered to take note of it. Maybe I should ;p But it is one of the sports that I enjoy...besides swimming, softball and playing pool...if that is considered as a sport..;p

Its been ages since I played badminton. Kak mel and I were just talking about it a few weeks ago I think but with the family functions at that time, we haven't got the chance to play.

Anyway, the point is....I miss badminton!! I havent played any sports since I got back...maybe I should make time soon ;) So, who wants to play badminton with me??

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Something we all might be able to relate to every now and then :)

Title: Procrastination



p/s: I just realize that im into sketches...:)

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Tried out the seven deadly sins quiz....quite interesting. Wished there were more questions to answer...;)

Greed:Very Low
 
Gluttony:Low
 
Wrath:Medium
 
Sloth:Medium
 
Envy:Very Low
 
Lust:Very Low
 
Pride:Medium
 


Discover Your Sins - Click Here

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Back in the Kingdom of Unexpected Treasures

Its been 2 weeks...met a few family members and a couple of friends. though most of my friends thinks im still in UK...;p

Its good to be back. To sit back and just not think for a while. To take a deep breath and reflect on the past few months which had been quite hard for me mentally and 'emotionally'...(not that I want to discuss it). Let's just say that I am more clear of how things are unfolding itself regarding matters that are 'close to my heart'.

Having said that, I am not as stressed out as I *might* sound. In fact, I am more settled with the way things are. I am learning to accept that...'that is how it is going to be'. I am also trying not to be in denial and degil about 'it' for my own sake. In the end, what are meant to happen will happen.

Thus, now I should really be thinking about where to head next, consider the opportunities and pathways available for me and 'reset' my priorities.

Will write more soon.

Love,
Selina

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Less than 2 weeks

I have less than 2 weeks left before I have to head back to Brunei. Though I miss home, at the same time, I also want to be here...a bit reluctant to go back. I havent pack, havent even bought boxes to put my stuffs in it. There are still things that I want to do here..but perhaps next time eh. its time to go back n u cant stay away forever right..;p


Anyway, I've decided to list a few things that I am NOT looking forward to when im back in Brunei..so here goes..

1) Decisions

Its decision time. Its time to decide the next stage of my life. The future that I am going to face..bla bla..depends on the decisions I make (atleast I think so)..and with it comes responsibilities and the need to stand ur ground and grow up!!

I guess the idea that I no longer have any excuses to continue my studies and just be a student scares me. IT IS SCARY to move to the next stage in life..conforming to the 'cycle' and what is expected of you.

Study = Work = Marry = Have Kids = grow old..;p

Dont get me wrong, I AM EXCITED to work and open a new chapter in my life. but like everybody else, I dont have an insight into how my future is going to be. And for some reason, I am worried. What if things doesnt work, what if my interests change, what if I want to do something else...the system that we have back at home doesnt really allows us to change professions, embark on a new interest etc EASILY.

And on top of that, theres also another issue close to heart that I need to resolve once and for all. Something that will hurt either way...unless changes are made. But for changes to happen, something big will have to happen to shake 'it' into its senses. And it must have a big impact to speed up realization and appreciation... only time will tell.

And the feeling of unable to control and not knowing of what the future holds is just unbearable..it makes u wonder. Am i the only person who finds it scary to open up a new chapter..to move on to another level of life..a different kind of atmosphere etc. But then again, when i think about it..why should i be worried about all this? that is what life is all about right. Life would be dull if we are able to predict everything. What are meant to happen, will happen..so, whatever it is..we just have to embrace it and hope all will work out well.

hmm..something to ponder upon later on till I fall asleep which is what I am doing in 5 mins..;) and ive just realize i havent done a list..so i think basically, this is what is worrying me...;p

Loads of love,
me

Monday, October 08, 2007

How true is this? thought it will be fun to share ;p







Saturday, October 06, 2007

pheww...

Im extremely glad that Im finally done with my MA. I hope all those long hours of reading in the library, mengusut-ing to motivate myself and sleepless nights will be worth it :) Will only know it for sure in January 2008. Of course there are things that I wished Ive done differently, but hey..why do you want to look back when your whole future is ahead of you right..;)

Few more weeks before Im back in Brunei..wishing time will pass by slowly so that I have more time here..;p Will pack next week and hopefully I will travel back to Brunei very light. Ngalih sudah carrrying heavy luggage to London and then to Bolton. So need to travel light.

Raya is coming soon. The plan is to go up to dundee for a couple of days before heading off to London and pick up my ticket to go back home...and hopefully I will write more then ;)

Selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin to everyone...esp to my family and close friends.

Love you all.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

SELAMAT BERPUASA

SIMPLE SIGNS TO FOLLOW IF URE 'LOST' THIS MONTH....;p

Friday, August 31, 2007

LAST POST

So I did say the last post will be my last post..but i was wrong. We still have internet today though its been cancelled..except that the phone doesnt work anymore.

Anyway, not going to say much here...well, I will try not too. Just want to jot down stuffs that is in my head at the moment. I feel like blogging about it now, but its better if i do it next time when i have more time to blog.

My housemate, a friend and I have been talking endlessly today about everything and anything that comes to mind..and few things lingers on my mind...its basically abt relationship and life...what better topic can girls talk abt when potential guysss are around..;p

1)I know love works in its mysterious ways and for all we know, our 'jodoh' might be someone who has been hanging around our entire life..isnt that scary!! So in my head right now...I'm thinking...'OMG...seriously..WHo is going to be my jodoh? The 'waiting' is nerve wrecking..

2)And what if my 'jodoh' turns out to be one of the guys that I could never stand or what if he is the one I always argued with...geram hati with...and find annoying... im always avoiding...etc etc etc...

3)What if my family doesnt approve? What do I do then...

4)How can we be sure if that guy is the one for us?? How can anyone be sure he/she is marrying the one??? IS it worth taking a risk?

5)What if you are not ready to be married...but there are marriage proposals...do you say NO..or do you take time and think about it... or do you say YES though u r not ready for it...

6)How do you break the news to the family?

.....................................................................................

And when you are waiting or are going out with a guy/girl...

How long do you have to wait...to be sure to take the relationship onto another level?

How many chances do you give your partner?

How much can you take...and when do you say enough is enough when you dont get the same 'input' from the other side? How long do you wait before you decide u have enough?
.....................................................................................

And on another topic...an equally important one...

I know people say that family ties are think macam *blood*...but do you just stay quiet or do you confront them when you realized that you were led to believe something that is not true...

something that is of the most important thing in ur life...something that you grow up to believe...but only to find out later that it is not entirely TRUE...

What do you do then when some of ur life principles are based on the 'make believe facts'..Maybe some things were said and done to 'protect' us...to prevent us from getting hurt or feeling like its 'our fault'...or to prevent us from making the same 'mistakes'..etc etc etc...but isnt honesty the best policy??

Things that I've managed to suppressed all these times are coming back to the surface..and I'm unable to decide whether it did happened or not...

so, I better stop now before I continue with my nonsense ramblings..will leave it at that till next time.

Have fun people...and take things easy. Think before you speak..words are like a rainbow on the sky or like a bullet to the heart. choose wisely..:)

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Empty space

My housemate and I have finally shifted away all the packed boxes to go for shipment tomorrow. She has been spending her time packing away her stuffs while I attempt to work on my thesis...though it looks like packing = soo much fun compared to sitting on my ass reading and motivating myself to type and finish up my work..:)

Now the house is empty...empty spaces in the living room...arah the hallway...our rooms empty pun...(except for mine coz i havent packed it away..) my luggage looks barat to be surung already...

NO TV...usually thursday night..i will watch 10 years younger...then big brother the whole night through unless theres something better to watch. TV is a must every night..its better than the sunyi-ness that fills the living room now.

And this is our last night to enjoy the INTERNET!! It will be cancelled tomorrow..so no tv, no internet,..can you guys believe it...how can we survive??dramatic jua eh. I have become sooo addicted to the internet..esp the youtube and bloghopping.. so maybe it is a good thing that I will be away from it in sept..unless i make time to go to the internet cafes. If not, then I guess there should be more progress on my work..;p

Anyway, just to let u guys know..esp the family..im leaving canterbury this sunday...I will be spending my whole September di Brunei Hall. Hopefully my work will be completely done after the first two weeks there...before puasa starts. The plan is to store junkfoods, juice and fruits in my room so that I dont really have to go out..unless i need fresh air..;)besides, I dont really know anyone there so it gets really boring..unless i decide to meet up with my friend who is coming to UK mid sept..yay!!

ok then, I guess this is my last update for the month. I will update it when I do find time to go to the internet cafe..if not then the next update will be in October ok.

Just incase I dont update it in September...just an advance 'SELAMAT BERPUASA DI BULAN RAMADHAN' and mudahan all our prayers will be heard and wishes granted. Amin!!

Have Fun!! xxx

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Got many things that I want to talk about..but its a bit too private to be discussed here..maybe next time.

Anyway, as I am officially one of the many many youtube addicts...ive posted another clip from youtube. check out this song only if u want to...the lyrics kinda repetitive..but the beat to the song is nice, the guy is good looking..and i find the moves lawa..so enjoy..

If that's ok with you - Shayne Ward

Sunday, August 19, 2007

View from the balcony..

Monday, August 13, 2007

Loving this song..

...nice n simple lyrics with a unique sketchy clip...



note: if it stops halfway..just click from where it stopped, it will continue..dont knw why but it works.
AUGUST 13th...

Its also a special day for the left handed people...like myself..according to the 'hot topic' on msn today ;)

It is said that left handed people are seen to bring bad luck...and history were 'unkind' to them..thanks to the Romans who has dramatized this whole thing of being 'left handed'. Luckily for me, I was not alive during those days..lol.

I personally think it doesnt matter whether ure a left or right handed though there seem to be a lot of issues about it..not that I will bother myself to read it. Nanti saja when im bored n jobless..;)

All that I can recall, when I was a lil kid...I do remember being told to do more things with my right hand...for example, when I 'put' things in my mouth, hold my spoon, my pencil..mengaut makanan and all sort of stuffs. It was hard when ur left hand will automatically reach out for things when u need to ambil barang..for example. So sometimes, I had to remind myself to do it with my right hand before reaching out for things. And I do recall being a lil annoyed when everything I did was being watched and salah.

But, I have to say that of course I still do alot of things with my left hand...it feels more comfortable for me. And sometimes I do have to remind myself to 'change hands' especially when eating with a spoon or fork because eating with the left hand is not good...culturally and religiously I suppose. But one thing I really cant change is when I eat with chopsticks...it must be the left hand coz with my right hand..i dont even know how to hold it properly. So, it is safer to makan with tangan..atleast I always use my right one..;p

And it is impolite to shake hands or receive gifts or pasing barang etc etc with the left hand...which is not a problem for me as I do pass/take etc things from others with my right hand out of habit. Its only when my right hand is occupied with other brg or dirty..that I use my left hand, even then, I apologise to them right on the spot.

Oohh...I remembered when I was in primary 5 or was it 6...I used to argue alot with this boy from pakistan/india (cant remember)..maybe his name was rashid or arshad..entah eh. Anyway, the point is..I was sitting on his right side...so when we do our work..especially when we have to copy things from the blackboard...my elbow usually banged into his elbow..and vice versa. and ofcourse, being a kid..we usually fight over stuffs like this between ourselves. Haha. I remembered thinking 'this boy is fussy n unfriendly'. Initially I said sorry, but eventually it turns out to be a 'game' I enjoyed simply because he was a perfectionist n wants his work to be neat..and I was too. So, I have to admit sometimes I did it on purpose when he is writing far ahead of me n when Im bored..and he did the same to me as well. So, we r even I guess. Hahaha. Funny, the little things that you remember..

Ok guys,I think thats all for now. Want to get back to my 'unprogressing work'..;)

Takecare.



*ok..ok..I give up.I dont have a problem with you being one of the left handers* ;)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAK MENG

I know it was yesterday...but its never too late to post something about it right :)

Enjoy the few pics that I have of you...lol...coz most of the time, u r behind the camera...;p



Hope you had a good day and wishing you a better year to look forward to..;p

Takecare.

Lots of love,
selina

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Current state of mind!!

This is another boring post of how Im bored with my student life here...well, the first part will be more boring than the second part..(i hope);p I dont enjoy my uni here.. those who often meet up with me in canterbury would probably realize that already and might be bored to death listening to me when I do get into those *mood* where the only think that is in my head is..'I should have looked for more unis before'..and 'how buruk my uni is'..correction; 'how buruk my faculty is'. Haha. Ofcourse, others who studies here..some may agree with me..but most might not. But I will still feel the same about this uni.

Anyway, despite not enjoying the uni..I have to say that Canterbury is a very interesting place. With the gorgeous architectural work done on the Cathedral Church..where sometimes you can hear the bells early in the morning, the Westgate Gardens with a small river right in the middle of town..colourful flowers arranged...and Starbucks right next to the entrance of the Cathedral...shops, abandoned castle, wednesdays and fridays market where u can shop for fresh strawberries and cherries..etc etc...Its a small and pretty town with something to look forward to every weekend if you decide to go to town.

Last week, after I got back from Bolton. I decide to walk around town before heading to Tesco to buy a few things for me to munch on. It was not too buzy...but there was this interesting cute dude playing on his saxophone...moving to the left and right..dancing around while people sit on the available benches to watch him. It was soo sexy. I took a video of him on my camera..but unfortunately I could not download it to my laptop coz my laptop cant read any music or video files anymore. Only youtube works..;)Anyway, this is a picture of him...swaying around in the middle of town..;)



Anyway, i guess thats all...im still in my *lazy mode*...so will write more when I want to type what I wana say...;)

Have fun people..